lovedly

Jan 20, 2015 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Sun Rise in USA....The sun did rise finally!

Sun Rise in USA

A week ago in Chicago
guys did not know
whether ever again
the sun will glow

and

on plantations
seeds, farmers again will sow
so they wanted to stay
indoors and human seeds lay
whilst in bed

perhaps God will urge
the Americans to curb
as more population is born

so they may save trillions
needed so much
to clean and polish
the world as such
as in peace as in war
then once again
be felt as privileged ones
around the world
as sun rises
later again somehow!

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: UNIVERSE...ETERNITY C/O ME, ROU

Favorite Poets: All across the Internet whom I read , and they inspire..

Comments

scribbler

10 years 5 months ago

hello lovedly

I've heard those northern women are hot. Perhaps it's a survival mechanism to stay warm lol.....stan

lovedly

10 years 5 months ago

u looking for women

me too
not 4 u

scribbler

10 years 5 months ago

lol

not really, I've already got about all i can handle with Susan lol

lovedly

10 years 5 months ago

as age catches

desire surges
but love merges
we have to make do
silently

Geezer

10 years 5 months ago

I too, wish that our population boom would level out. Perhaps if we were to inaugurate a program that puts emphasis on being ready for parent-hood and birth-control. Required! As to your work here, I think you got your idea across, but need to work on being a bit clearer. [I can't figure out what you mean by [then once again be felt as special ones from door to door. Overall, good work! ~ Gee

lovedly

10 years 5 months ago

thanks for d visit Gee

after a very long time,
I shall re see
where lies the shallow valley

Sparrow

10 years 5 months ago

Loved

a good theme again but you trip yourself up and fuzz the point.
Still you are writing fine and I am reading but we will see what you do with this one,
Take care young Bard, Yours, Ian

lovedly

10 years 5 months ago

there is only one problem Ian-ala- Sparrow Signalman

i read Stan
you don't
then i read xyz
and u don't
then I comment
and you don't

so what in the seven seas
will u say u know
what in hell
i say or i won't?

Sparrow

10 years 5 months ago

Silly Loved

I do read Stan and A-Z of poetry forms also read Loved's poetry and all the winges of which this is a bad one, Yours Ian. T

judyanne

10 years 5 months ago

waffling again spoils this write loved

I will give you my edit, only if you try for yourself, first, to get rid of the waffle

It also, to my read anyway, seems to contradict itself....
Copulating indoors is more likely to increase population
?? :)
I know what you are trying to say there, I think, by the next lines, but you don't make your thought clear

Saying that, I get the gist of the write, and think it has a great core.
Try edit it a bit....

love judy
xxx

lovedly

10 years 5 months ago

i shall try to burn away the waffle

as and when the sun returns
in US of A

lovedly

10 years 5 months ago

self EDIT ...Sun Rose in USA

SELF EDIT
Sun Rose in USA

copulation is the act
seeds* are sperms
20 million per males spoonful discharge
only one counts as it penetrates the single woman's ovum you know Judy
All yours to burn the waffle
I'll accept it

*human sperm

judyanne

10 years 5 months ago

you have not burnt any waffle loved

You have added to it
want to try again?
love judy
xxx

lovedly

10 years 5 months ago

u don another garb from my poem now slash the barb!

Sun Rise in USA
Reading your poem
I thought, Americans
the sun had caught

a week in Chicago
guys did not know
whether ever again
the sun will glow

and

on plantations
seeds, farmers again will sow

so they wanted indoors to stay
human seeds lay
whilst in bed

perhaps then God
will the Americans urge
to curb
birth of more population
maybe superb

so they may save trillions
needed so much
to clean and polish
the world as such
as in peace, hospitalization
as in war, mutilation
then once again
be felt as privileged ones

as sun once again rose!

maybe this slashes
much of the waffle ...Judy

judyanne

10 years 5 months ago

much better loved

I would cut the first stanza
maybe take out the 'then' in 'perhaps then god'
cut 'maybe superb'
- and I think you have done a great job on this on your own
and I'm glad that you changed it to a stanza format rather than the word wall :)
Clever loved

love judy
xxx