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Heartfelt
Heartfelt
Apr 21, 2021 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
This poem is part of the contest:

What does that smell like?

(Read More...)

The Sweet smell of Success

What does it smell like
Hmmmmm
what can I liken to the Sweet smell of success
After all of the mess
You can now
Laugh at their plot
Because now
They have to watch
you now
All for a season of corruption
Let them throw the stumbling blocks
Let them sit in the seat of the scornful
Let them eat the fruit of their dark labor
You can smile at their disruptions
You can sit back and savor
while in darkness
they toil and labor
in vain
Like the sweet smell of chocolate wafting in the loop
Like the sweet smell of roses in bloom on a walk with your lover in the afternoon
Like the sweet smell of rain gently falling in June
the Sweet smell of success

About This Poem

Last Few Words: There is a contest for smells, I thought that this was an awesome challenge. I'm a poet and you know it. I haven't studied poetry, I have tried to conjure feelings and emotions that are awakened during the smell sensation, but in another way, not literal but figurative.

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

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Comments

Ray Whitaker

Ray Whitaker

4 years 2 months ago

Interesting piece,

In the lines 4-11, to allude to some kind of event. It would be useful to the reader if there was something to grab on to in those lines.

Like the ending!

Gracy

Gracy

4 years 2 months ago

Good poem for the smell

Good poem for the smell contest, Heartfelt.
I suggest you eliminate some repetitions, for the sake of the readers' attention. As below, I put between brackets a few unnecessary bits. Just suggesting! Enjoyed, Gracy

All for a season of corruption
Let them throw the stumbling blocks
(Let them)sit in the seat of the scornful
(Let them) eat the fruit of their dark labor.
You can smile at their disruptions
(You can) sit back and savor

C

c lynn brooks

4 years 2 months ago

Now

Is over used in trhis poem. Your rhyming ?afternoon.June. That is just as rasping as moon June,spoon etc
try being a bit more creative in your writin. Use your own voice do not resort to superficial rhyme. I have a feeling that underneath there is a poet . Letthat creatrive streak show itself