THE SWING

we had a swing my dad put up
for us kids..(two boys and three girls)
I can remember well being able to see
to the next far hill.....a joy then that
I still maintain....Excellent poem!

vertigo
i shall send it to you
if u say so

You've started with a cliche but closed it very cleverly.
You can easily get rid of that cliché by starting with
simply "I flew"
I thought 'Vertigo ecstasy" is exquisitely beautiful"
Keep it up!

Oh Joe you remind me of the little poem we sang when I was a child, by R.L.Stevenson.
And yours has as much of the sweep into the sky, and in a way I agree with Rula
about the beginning, but that's up to the writer as it would be a different poem without it.
But then it is short almost verging on the essence of a hailku.

How do you like to go up in a swing,
Up in the air so blue?
Oh, I do think it the pleasantest thing
Ever a child can do!

Up in the air and over the wall,
Till I can see so wide,
River and trees and cattle and all
Over the countryside--

Till I look down on the garden green,
Down on the roof so brown--
Up in the air I go flying again,
Up in the air and down!

His childrens' poems were very good,
my mother used to read them to us,
and we sang several while she played the piano.

Love Anni