Rosewood Apothecary

Jun 22, 2022 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Swords of Glass

People are like swords of glass:
beautiful, fragile and delicate
but also fierce and sharp.
We must use care with them
and protect them from harm.
The soil of battle and wear of miles
may stain them and etch them opaque.
They may shatter when put to the gamut.
If by chance this does occur
and left with gathered pieces are you.
Be quick to hearth and oven with them
for glass once tempered is forged anew.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I’d like any input on this one really. It was written to a dear friend in the midst of some emotional trauma. I hope it provides some comfort to anyone who might be struggling leaving the past behind.

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: U.S.A., USA

Favorite Poets: Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, Walt Whitman. I’m enamored by the work of lyricists such as Robert Hunter, John Barlow, John Dyer Baizley, and Tom Marshall just to name a handful.

Comments

Candlewitch

3 years ago

dear Tim,

in this line: People are like swords of glass: beautiful and fragile and delicate but also fierce and sharp.
I suggest: (People are like swords of glass: beautiful, fragile and delicate, but also fierce and sharp.)
this piece is lovely. I have no other suggestions.
this is my favorite line:
(Be quick to hearth and oven with them for glass once tempered is forged anew.) I like it best because it is hopeful with a plan of action and a definite conclusion.

*hugs, Cat

Rosewood Apothecary

3 years ago

Thanks

Pretty spot on. Like I said it’s for a dear friend and though she endured this traumatic experience she shared with me, she definitely had a plan of action and was struggling through her masters degree in psychology. She is now finished that degree and I am extremely proud of her. Thanks Cat.

Jackweb

3 years ago

Hello Rosewood!

Poets arrange lines in order to support the mood and rhythms of their themes. I suggest, is more preferable in this form:

People are like swords of glass:
beautiful and fragile and
delicate but also fierce and sharp.
We must use care with them
and protect them from harm or break.
The soil of battle and wear of miles may
stain them and etch them opaque.
They may shatter when put to the gamut.
If by chance this does occur and
left with gathered pieces are you.
Be quick to hearth and oven with them for
glass once tempered is forged anew.

Beautifully crafted!

Rosewood Apothecary

3 years ago

Thanks for the advice

The format was not correct. I appreciate the help. I do think this helps the reader stay in rhythm.

Jackweb

3 years ago

You are welcome

I'm glad you accepted it.

Obadiah Grey

3 years ago

People are swords of glass:

People are swords of glass:
beautiful, fragile, delicate
fierce and sharp,
We must use care
and protect them from harm.
The soil of battle and wear of miles
may stain them, etch them opaque.
They may shatter when put to the gamut.
If by chance this does occur
and left with gathered pieces are you.
Be quick to hearth and oven with them
for glass once tempered is forged anew.

A slightly Bourbon induced take on your piece,
hope you don't mind..

(not too keen on the inversion, "left with gathered pieces are you.")
Sounds like Yoda has snook in !

Obi.......

Oh, You nailed the last two lines !! well done.

Rosewood Apothecary

3 years ago

Yoda

Yeah I know. An alternative as I have it in my notes is: carefully gather the pieces to you
Or: carefully gather the pieces of you. I’ll think on it. I am, without question a Star Wars fan but I swear I don’t order my coffee that way.