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Mar 08, 2025
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Sworn Statement
I swore, by the bones of my father and mother,
the eyes of my sister, the life of my brother.
I swore, by the cross of the Lord, whom I love,
and by all the angels of God up above
that I wouldn’t swear anymore.
I swore, by that song: the sweet song of salvation.
By blood-spattered flag of our war-weary nation.
I swore by the bible and all that is holy.
By storms that sail swiftly and streams that glide slowly
that I wouldn’t swear anymore.
I swore, by the truth, that's been twisted and tortured.
By fruit plucked by Eve in old Eden's fair orchard.
I swore, by the way and the truth and the life.
By the unending love that I have for my wife
that I wouldn’t swear anymore.
I swore by the blood of with cowards who’d crossed me,
my sword blade would spill from their wounds that would run free.
I swore to get even, by vengeance and fury.
That I’d be the judge and that I’d be the jury,
but I will not swear anymore.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: (James 5 v 12 “But above all, my brethren, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or with any other oath; but your yes is to be yes, and your no, no, so that you may not fall under judgment.”)
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
4 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI - version 2.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem effectively captures the weight of solemn oaths and the struggle to uphold them. The repetition of "I swore" creates a powerful rhythm throughout the poem, emphasizing the speaker's determination. The use of religious and familial imagery adds depth to the promises made, highlighting the significance of the vow to refrain from swearing.
One suggestion for improvement would be to consider varying the structure or form of the poem to enhance its impact. Experimenting with line breaks, stanza lengths, or rhyme schemes could help create a more dynamic flow and engage the reader in different ways. Additionally, exploring different poetic devices such as metaphor or symbolism could enrich the themes of loyalty, temptation, and redemption present in the poem.
Overall, this piece shows promise in its exploration of personal conviction and the internal struggle to uphold one's word. Continuing to refine the structure and delve deeper into the emotional complexity of the speaker's journey could further elevate the poem.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact