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S
Scorpisces
Jul 23, 2020 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

A symphony of time

The universal mystery,
guarded under lock and key.
We are part of a grand design,
aim of existence, to align.

Round and round and round we go,
keep your faith & seek to know.
Life encrypted, a complex design,
encoded within threads of time.

Looking for existential reasons,
Continuum, cycles and the seasons.
Searching inward, look to find,
inner calm and peace of mind.

Universe, a single song,
imbalance is when life feels wrong.
A symphony of time and space
Disharmony is a repeat rat race.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I’m not academic or particularly well educated, so please excuse my work not being “professional”. I do hope someone enjoys it, though. Thankyou for reading - peace xx

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Victoria, Australia

Favorite Poets: Sylvia Plath, Edgar Allan Poe

More from this author

Comments

Lavender

Lavender

4 years 12 months ago

A Symphony of Time

Hello, Scorpisces,
It was great "speaking" with you today in the chat room! This poem brings about a lot of wonderful pondering - things we realize we will never know. Life's cycles, the harmony and balance of all things being universal and the imbalance, which I think you are stating, is caused by the interference of the rat race. I like your aa,bb form and it seemed pretty tight - I tripped on the rhythm of the last line just a bit.
Really enjoyed this.
Thank you!
Lavender

S

Scorpisces

4 years 11 months ago

Hi again Lavender, this is

Hi again Lavender, this is second reply I typed, sorry if you got two responses, not sure it actually sent last time. So, thank you for the lovely and supportive feedback. Enjoyed meeting yourself and others in the chat the other night, lovely experience. Really happy to have a space to share and am inspired to write & develop and to enjoy others work.

lovedly

lovedly

4 years 12 months ago

constancy time alone changes- but guyscome in newer GARBS

A symphony
of time and space
Disharmony
is repeating

rat race.
that's we an element of truth
moles dig holes
rats only show
where they have been silently

in which barn
sugar or wheat
salt rarely
may be honey

corn leaves/leaf
mabe
they
rats
never speak

Gracy

Gracy

4 years 12 months ago

Hello and welcome to neopoet,

Hello and welcome to neopoet, at least I don't think I've read your lovely, philosophical poetry.
The rhyming seems perfect to me, though I'm learning. The content appeals to me and the title is right. No criticism from me. All the best, Gracy

Geezer

Geezer

4 years 12 months ago

Welcome fellow rhymer...

As I have said before, we are not all professionals here. We are a family of poets. We love and respect those of us that have
just started writing, those who have written many years and the ones that have dabbled; as much as those that are published authors and have degrees. We have a very varied group here. We are always ready to share any knowledge or expertise that we have and just give encouragment when we have nothing to criticize. I do have a couple of things to share and as always, the advice is yours to do with as you will. I thought that most all of your poem was very well thought out and smooth, but here is what I see. I think you need to add a syllable to the line: "Continuum, cycles and [the] seasons". Maybe make a little change to the line: "Disharmony is a repeat rat race." Nice work and hope to see much more. ~ Geezer.
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