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Feb 15, 2012
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T A N T A L I Z E
they were like mini dreams
run through the mill
ideals crushed
delicate
structured
disciplined
stood there with her
mittens flexing
her spine bent
back looking up
at the black looking
back down
"Think God's in?"
I could hear the sizzle
of the high test utility
lines
"I don't know honey, If
he is in he's probably
busy hustling up business
cause we need all them
angels now"
she kicked a chunk
of soggy slush in the
parking spots with her
old Ugg boots They
skidded a ways leaving
a dark streak on the
fresh snow
"I know heaven tastes good"
she nodded her head
her braids down shadowing
her eyes as we passed
between the short parking
lights For a moment
she could have had black
wings but it was just
the shadows just
the trees at the edge of
the right of way
"Com'n" she said sticking her
tongue out and looking up
"try one!"
she stopped and I stood
looking up
both of us
the wires at the insulators
sizzled
damp little snowflakes
melting on us
I finally caught one
and it did taste good!
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Esker
13 years 5 months ago
fiction
but the one liners belong to someone I know
This is a very very short for Emogothgirl
Im not really putting a ton of detailing in it
keeping with the poetry
The characters could be freinds
could be anybody
or anyone
the focus was on the exchange
pace
musings
Nordic cloud
13 years 5 months ago
Wonder.
Your charm permeates each phrase, we feel as if this were father and child puzzling together their environment, the 'ball' thrown from the one to the other in perfect pattern for me. Wonder.
Wonderfully described.
Ann.
Esker
13 years 5 months ago
From a lot of experience Ann
all the roads
ruined and paradise
Just a "short" for the up
and coming young writer
I admire here
I used to write the longer
more non truncated versions
of dialogue
but have been limiting this lately
different times now
another road...
Thank You!
emogothgirl
13 years 5 months ago
and i like it!
short and to the point, a great way to put it! loved this one esker.
always,
mag
Esker
13 years 5 months ago
"Short and to the point"
yes! its that minimalistic slant I love
im remembering some of the epic
two person dialogues though
some of its coming back from
the haze of time
like a rolling dime
its all heads and tails
tin hearts
lost soul salvation
that eye to eye translation
weirdelf
13 years 5 months ago
In this very short piece you have told a story.
Including all the elements Wesley asked for in his "Storytelling workshop"
My only crit of Wesley's approach is the idea that poems need to be long. I disagree and you proved it.
Esker
13 years 5 months ago
magazines
Love sitting in the library on the faux leather chairs
the tall window looking to the tree lined street
Love how writers the professional published
write their short stories How they can put
a story in so few pages and less!!!
and still I can "come alive" with the tell
I admire this ability and try to copy this here
stripping down my long "Orgami" style
writing for the more streamlined "Esker"