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Neopoem Of The Week Contest October 30th to November 5th 2022
Tales Of Ancient Greece : Lost
Countless years I've searched for you,
What evil has taken you away from me?
I've become hollowed,
From scorching deserts and icy winds,
Time has left me stranded,
Your love is the last of my memories,
So I plunge into the abyss of Hades,
The world of the living fading from view,
Somber greetings are groaned from sullen faces,
Echoed in the cave of the river Styx,
Hades steps forth and asks,
"It was not your time,
What desperation has brought you to me?"
"Oh Prince of souls,
My lover has surely departed and come to you,
I wish to be with her for eternity,"
A moment passes in painful wait,
"Yes she has come to me. She is in the Elysian Fields",
Tears of joy ease my aching heart as I step forward,
The looming Prince in silver crown bars my way,
"Tartarus are for those who have no patience with life."
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
Geezer
2 years 8 months ago
This piece ends...
rather abruptly, leaving no explanation for barring the way, other than "Tartarus are for those who have no patience for life.
There is no conclusion, for the protagonist, other than he cannot enter the "Elysian Fields". There are many people that have no idea what you are talking about when you speak of Greek mythology.
~ Geezer.
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C. Wolff
2 years 8 months ago
Thanks for the feedback. :)
Thanks for the feedback. :)
"So I plunge into the abyss of Hades,
The world of the living fading from view,: refers to committing suicide.
""Tartarus are for those who have no patience with life.": refers to not waiting for natural death to be reunited with their lover as suicide to Hades is a sin.
I'll try to make them more precise in explanation.
Geezer
2 years 8 months ago
Yeah...
I had it figured, but I'm not so sure that others will. Nice write!
~ Geezer.
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C. Wolff
2 years 8 months ago
thx :)
thx :)
Rosewood Apothecary
2 years 8 months ago
Geezer is correct
I’m very far removed from studying Greek mythos but I’m actually learning as I go. This one I did not even have to look anything up so I was proud of myself.
I love the theme,
Tim
C. Wolff
2 years 8 months ago
Awesome!! :)
Awesome!! :)