Working With Japanese Poetry

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Tanka "Japanese Poetry Workshop"

Tanka: # 1
A ghastly screw up
The blue flashing behind me
A dreaded ticket
Twenty five years clean record
Down the drain one split minute

Tanka: #2
Tell tale smell of death
Secrets, lies, deceit finds light
Troubled sea rises
Pains from past immoral acts
Roll back stone thus uncover

Tanka: # 3
Brain freeze like a rock
Won't allow decisiveness
Builds stress when I try
A blinding force guides my thought
When making clear decisions

Tanka: # 4
In pursuit of life
Daily tasks are challenging
Forgetfulness strong arms me
Pushing though this mental fog
Fighting memory losses

About This Poem

Last Few Words: You only need one I got carried away

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Billy Collins, Shakespeare, , Emily Dickinson, , , Whitman, Jess Tapper

Comments

Roscoe Lane

13 years 3 months ago

Barbara,

I can't say i know a lot about Tanka, but i think what you've done hear is great work. Others who know more will no doubt guide you from here, but i believe you've made a great start. Love Roscoe...

weirdelf

13 years 3 months ago

in order

Tanka: 1 So damn near! The first 2 lines set a scene, the rest becomes humdrum life.

Tanka: 2 Yep, nailed it here.

Tanka: 3 good first line, the rest becomes descriptive rather than expansive

Tanka: 4 just descriptive

Tanka 2 is tanka!

get the idea? We're not just writing prose in syllables, we are carving gems from raw words.

Barbara Writes

13 years 3 months ago

Okay Jess

it seem from your comment that description has no place in Japanes poetry.

weirdelf

13 years 3 months ago

because every word counts for so much

I just feel that merely descriptive is not enough, it needs to evoke an emotion, feeling or sense of something larger.

Barbara Writes

13 years 3 months ago

I'm not at all sure.

Im not at all sure what you want, so I think I'll let them stand as is for now. Simply too much thought and work to rewrite to your liking right now.
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