Working With Japanese Poetry

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Tanka "Japanese Poetry Workshop"

Tanka: # 1
A ghastly screw up
The blue flashing behind me
A dreaded ticket
Twenty five years clean record
Down the drain one split minute

Tanka: #2
Tell tale smell of death
Secrets, lies, deceit finds light
Troubled sea rises
Pains from past immoral acts
Roll back stone thus uncover

Tanka: # 3
Brain freeze like a rock
Won't allow decisiveness
Builds stress when I try
A blinding force guides my thought
When making clear decisions

Tanka: # 4
In pursuit of life
Daily tasks are challenging
Forgetfulness strong arms me
Pushing though this mental fog
Fighting memory losses

About This Poem

Last Few Words: You only need one I got carried away

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Billy Collins, Shakespeare, , Emily Dickinson, , , Whitman, Jess Tapper

Comments

Roscoe Lane

13 years ago

Barbara,

I can't say i know a lot about Tanka, but i think what you've done hear is great work. Others who know more will no doubt guide you from here, but i believe you've made a great start. Love Roscoe...

weirdelf

13 years ago

in order

Tanka: 1 So damn near! The first 2 lines set a scene, the rest becomes humdrum life.

Tanka: 2 Yep, nailed it here.

Tanka: 3 good first line, the rest becomes descriptive rather than expansive

Tanka: 4 just descriptive

Tanka 2 is tanka!

get the idea? We're not just writing prose in syllables, we are carving gems from raw words.

Barbara Writes

13 years ago

Okay Jess

it seem from your comment that description has no place in Japanes poetry.

weirdelf

13 years ago

because every word counts for so much

I just feel that merely descriptive is not enough, it needs to evoke an emotion, feeling or sense of something larger.

Barbara Writes

13 years ago

I'm not at all sure.

Im not at all sure what you want, so I think I'll let them stand as is for now. Simply too much thought and work to rewrite to your liking right now.
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