faerybeki

Feb 07, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Tasting Heart

I am not
High Poetry,
not everyone's cup
of tea
I am merely

A poem

My writer
doesn't even like me
very much
I lack rhythm
and my rhyming sucks

but
she runs
right through me
she can't help it
I am
her heart,
bleeding
all over this paper
for you
to pick over

Read me
gently
or devour me
savor
the taste of me
love me
or
hate me

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Been mulling over the feedback for this one and came back to add a bit to the end, and change the title be interested to know if it works. Thanks Roscoe, Anna and Jess for the input :)

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: GBR

Comments

faerybeki

14 years 5 months ago

:) glad you enjoyed it Shirl.

:) glad you enjoyed it Shirl. Yes the poor poems, however must they feel? I hear people much prefer blogs at the moment ;) heehee. Happy I make you smile,much love Beki xxx

Roscoe Lane

14 years 5 months ago

I love,

I love the concept of the the poem coming to life to be examined, but i think the ending would be better as. I am her heart,
beating on this paper
that you pick over.
Either way i like it very much. Regards Roscoe..

faerybeki

14 years 5 months ago

Hi Roscoe, I definitely agree

Hi Roscoe, I definitely agree that I am would be better than I'm but I do quite like the heart bleeding on the paper, so that word might have to stay :) I see others have some comments on the ending so I will definitely address it, thanks for your input. Glad you enjoyed the concept and the poem, much love Beki xxx

Kailashana2

14 years 5 months ago

perhaps the last line:

I'm her heart
bleeding
all over this paper

pick me up
and read me.

faerybeki

14 years 5 months ago

I like your suggestion but I

I like your suggestion but I also like the almost rhyme, similar sound of paper and over, I'll give it some thought :) thanks for your input, much love Beki xxx

weirdelf

14 years 5 months ago

This brought me a smile, Beki, thankyou

all good thoughts and suggestions above.

My own is rather more morbid, but tasty-

bleeding
all over this paper
for you
to savor

faerybeki

14 years 5 months ago

Hi Jess, happy this brought

Hi Jess, happy this brought you a smile, I was hoping it would garner that reaction :) I like the word savor, it would maintain the almost rhyme with paper but I also wanted to kind of imply what we're hoping to do here at Neo, the critiquing, the workshopping, the picking over of our poetry, I was considering a few different titles, one included the word vultures :) there were also a few lines on how the poem wanted to be read but I felt they were lame so stopped it as it stands. Thanks for your input, I will be addressing and editing the end, much love Beki xxx

faerybeki

14 years 5 months ago

Thank you Ian :) felt nice to

Thank you Ian :) felt nice to give the poem a voice, much love Beki xxx