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Apr 02, 2025
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Tears of Malnourished Children
When children have the pain of adults
Their tears tumble down the cheeks
To their empty bellies, like adults
Not all of them are mine or yours or theirs
They are the children of the world, our world
With a future meant to be bright but still bleak,
Hopelessness evident at the point of neglect.
Children with the pain of adults shimmer in low voices
Often times, their stomachs rumble from hunger, diseases, misery,
While the leaders ride in long protected motorcades
As if they will live forever with the stars and the moons
Gigantic geographical barriers and seas stand though.
Many as they are, the children, live in grottos
And walk down the streets with realized tumult
With muffled laughters of the weaklings
When in streets and barricades they walk with unmet hopes,
With food, education, medication monopolized
while their leaders travel in long protected motorcades,
Seeking eternity.
The first, second, third worlds live in our minds
In a single earth, enriched by nature, with no boundaries
Leaders, world leaders, monopolize power and resources
While tears of malnourished children keep falling
Like the Victoria falls and the surrounding canyons.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
2 months 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI - version 2.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Tears of Malnourished Children" effectively conveys a powerful message about the suffering and neglect experienced by children around the world. The use of vivid imagery such as tears tumbling down cheeks, empty bellies, and rumbling stomachs effectively evokes a sense of empathy and urgency in the reader. The contrast between the children's struggles and the opulence of the leaders is stark and effectively highlights the injustice and inequality present in society.
One suggestion for improvement would be to further develop the structure of the poem. While the free verse style allows for a raw and emotional expression, some parts of the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm or meter to enhance the overall flow and impact of the message. Additionally, considering varying line lengths and stanza breaks strategically could create a more dynamic reading experience.
Furthermore, the poem could explore more nuanced language choices to add depth and complexity to the themes presented. By incorporating metaphorical language or symbolic imagery, the poem could invite readers to engage with
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Mashell Chapeyama
2 months 2 weeks ago
Feed back
Great suggestions. Thanks