Rula

Jan 30, 2021 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Tell Mr. Age

Should age in haste pen down its name,
and fiercely scratch the face with furrows,
should age blend black with white and frame
shining eyes~once blazed, with shadows.

Should it, chain up with heavy strains,
the shoulders once held a Life's load,
and tear forth with teeth, to obtain
what youth once generously showed,

Should it, then tell Mr. Age, please,
I'm not yet ready for its tease.

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Jordan, JOR

Favorite Poets: I favor the ones who are closer to humanity and , Poets are humanity when the world lose it.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Ray Whitaker

4 years 5 months ago

Being older, it’s not easy....

My Mother used to tell me that.

I really like the capture of watching the aging process.

Rula

4 years 5 months ago

Dear Ray

I so much appreciate your kind visit.
My pleasure

Rula

4 years 5 months ago

Dearest Teddy

I think human nature won't change. Our hopes are almost the same especially when it comes to getting old.
I'm happy that you found here sth to think about.
Stay safe dear.

Geezer

4 years 5 months ago

Great thoughts...

about aging. Just one little criticism, I think the word you are looking for is [furrows] not farrows. Nonetheless, a great poem. ~ Geez.
.

Rula

4 years 5 months ago

Geezer

Thank you for the kind visit and for the heads up.
I'm happy to know that it appeals to you.
Stay safe.

Lavender

4 years 5 months ago

Tell Mr. Age

Hi, Rula,
I like the tone of your poem - a bit sassy and full of spunk. I especially can empathize with "snatch with teeth." Truly how it feels! Very clever!
Thank you!
L

Rula

4 years 5 months ago

Thank you

dear Lavender.
Your words 'sassy' and 'spunk' ? Wow, I like that.
Many thanks dear friend.

BettyBuff

4 years 5 months ago

There Is Nothing To Recommend Decaying...

Hi Rula,

Personally, old-age sucks...
If you believe that it's all about loss.
However, if you believe it's more about wisdom and spirituality and supporting younger generations...it can be golden!

What is the reference to a 'guerdon' and youth all about?

I've been away from this site for a long time.

I'm back to kick-ass and create...(fill in the blanks)

Ellie

Rula

4 years 5 months ago

Welcome back. Great to see you. I like that bit about being supportive for the younger generation. It deserves thinking about it.
Mmmm that line about gourden and all, do you have a better alternative? Any suggestions?
Again, nice to hear from you and looking forward to reading some of your work dear

lovedly

4 years 5 months ago

Rula ma'am

don't age with age
you have used it four times
care to replace it
use thesaurus you may

then you will never address
my age

Rula

4 years 5 months ago

The repeated age

is really intentional Lovedly.
However, I am thankful for your comment. V. Clever.

lovedly

4 years 5 months ago

Intend as much as you Rula wish age never speaks

age never speaks
just now I learned
a young not aged one
not yet 50
left the world suddenly
happily
no grief only relief
others grieve
lucky he
no pain
nor pill
BUDDHA 's
will

Breakinglogic

4 years 5 months ago

Rula,

Love this theme and your take take on it. Your first stanza was so effortless! Lines 3 and 4 have such nice flow, imagery and diction. I think I'm with Betty regarding your second stanza in that I'm not sure what that guerdon (reward, right?) which youth generously shows is.

Rula

4 years 5 months ago

Hello Raffy

Nice to meet you. Thanks for your kind visit. I had done some edits already when you commented on this piece, but sometimes it takes time to take place and show to the readers.
Please let me know what do you think about the edits. Your thoughts and others' are always welcomed

Thank you so much for your kind visit

Breakinglogic

4 years 5 months ago

Rula!

Rula!
Hi. I think your new edits are really working for this peice! There are a couple new commas which feel errant, however, and give me pause. Your redesign of the first two lines is strong I think! I love the smooth alliteration and the collaboration between haste/fiercely. Also love the collaboration between pen/scratch and the idea of furrows being etched—in that way—by age.