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Tell The Spectators
I was breezed like a ball by a striker
And caught by the giant net on the goal axis
Danced in the bearing of bisector of the poles
With the keeper standing aloof at the perilous angle
With her eyes on the net, when I was dancing
In a conduct of a spiral degree on the elevation in a mass of wave
I sat on the parallel line in the bottom of the net alone
Geometrically, sleeping in the basket of voices
That traveled like electron.
In the acute of the striker; I moved in a protractive manner
To the centre line, there, I started movement
To everywhere no one can tell
I moved in my direction but not her direction
She rubbed me lightly on the surface to keep me in shape,
When I sagged her cloth with my robust skin,
With a touch of water
Confusedly; I ran out of the field to a safety hands
Which blew the final whistle.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: My father symbolized the player. My mother is the goalkeeper. My father dribbled and scored a goal which I referred to (the poet) When I was in her stomach till I was born, was the second stanza of the poem. It's irony.
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Rosewood Apothecary
3 years ago
I played outside fullback
Not tremendously well. I’m what you’d call a hack with a boot. I eat yellow cards in the first 10 minutes to show I’m not F ing around. Lol. At least I did when I was young.
Definitely a really original idea. I’ll be back for another look.
Nice one,
Tim
Mr joghe
3 years ago
I like your comment. Thanks.
I like your comment.
Thanks.