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alidzain
alidzain
Jun 27, 2017 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
This poem is part of the workshop:

IMAGERY IN POETRY( ready to start?)

(Read More...)

Testament (Imagery WS)

Even the strongest rock will one day crumble and turn to dust as a testament to this world's mortality.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: singapore, SGP

Favorite Poets: Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, Sarojini Naidu and friends in Neopoet.

More from this author

Comments

jane210660

jane210660

8 years ago

Beautiful imagery

slightly long for a one liner.
Could you think of possibly editing slightly, to perhaps describe the rock more specifically and cut it down a bit?
Just my thoughts, a very haunting piece.
Jx

Rula

Rula

8 years ago

I think

the first line is more than enough to show the image.

S

scribbler

8 years ago

Hi Alid

Please trim this down to a single line. The imagery is clear but at this point we're limiting ourselves to a single line. thanks..........stan

alidzain

alidzain

8 years ago

Hi everyone

not sure how to trim further. Should I change the title instead?

Alid

Race_9togo

Race_9togo

8 years ago

Hi Ali

I like this a lot. Try making the entire line present tense instead of future, you'll find you can cut down on words that way, and make the meaning even stronger.

S

scribbler

8 years ago

Hi Alid

I would leave the title as is. And yes this is trimmed enough.Liked the way the dust reflects mortality....stan