you keep amazing me with your power of expression ...like in this write you have expressed so much in so few words...one truly gets a feeling of sinking with the falling leaf...brilliant write to say the least...

Samaira

14 years 1 month ago

Janice and Raj

Thank you for the appreciation, it gives me the much needed encouragement to write.

Cheers and happy writing!
Samaira

Samaira

14 years 1 month ago

Hello Rosina,

Yes I am an new member returning from the old site. Your warm welcome is appreciated.
I would like to evolve as a writer, hence I would need feedback and comments on my work. I would be glad to receive help from you.

About the poem.. I think that all human feelings may go through the cycle of being there and then not. but if the seed is planted somewhere deep down, it surely returns..
Thank you for your comment.

Regards,
Samaira.

faerybeki

14 years 1 month ago

This is indeed how it is :)

This is indeed how it is :) what a perfect little write, I wouldn't add or change a word, much love Beki xxx

Samaira

14 years 1 month ago

Hello Beki

Its strange that I read your comment just today.. Many thanks for the appreciation.

Cheers
Sam.

Samaira

14 years 1 month ago

The nature of the tree was

The nature of the tree was never a topic of my write.
The write was about the persistence of the single leaf against odds, and by looking at that leaf, I got strength to carry on. When it falls (inevitable during winters when all trees shed their leaves), a feeling of sadness grips me.
It was supposed to be a disappointment, and with the use of 'Alas', I tried to end it that way.

And I thought , by the comments of other members, that the message was conveyed... till i read your comment.

A sincere request :
I know for sure that my work is far from perfection, but I also know that all of it is not entirely bad. I would appreciate that once u write a crit, if you would also point out any good thing(s) about it along with the many weaknesses, it would probably not give me the feeling of despondency and motivate me to write better. If you only tell me about my weaknesses and not about the promising points about my writes, you would probably kill the budding writer inside me.

Another thing that you might want to consider is the fact that not everyone in the world has English as his native language, and the improvisation in writing might take slightly longer for them.

Eduardo Cruz

14 years 1 month ago

Sam

we seek strength from different things in life, but the true power lie's inside our very being. If we simply love who we are.
You showed great power in this write and everyone sees it except for one. so I say the majority rules. trust that you have good writing skills that need little improvement here and there. Your ability to convey emotions is a great start, no matter what someone else might say.
Truly enjoyed this first time reading you.
it's my pleasure to have you in Splash Pool thanks for joining!

Eddie C.

Samaira

14 years 1 month ago

Thanks Dear Eddie

for rekindling my motivation to write. I was beginning to feel that probably I should put my pen down and first read the theory behind writing poems.
A child doesn't know how to walk.. he starts learning. It is obvious that he will fall. If the elders only tell him that he didn't take the step correctly,, and emphasize only his weakness, the child will obviously lose heart. If the elders help him get up and explain why he fell, that would probably be better for the growth of the child.

I am glad to be in the Pool with you Eddie, and I hope I will get out of it as a better writer.

Cheers!
Sam.

Kailashana2

14 years 1 month ago

A slight change for your

A slight change for your consideration. A really good poem, caught in the mind's eye and the heart's space.

A single leaf on a tree
Braves snow and wind
Before it falls
(as it must)
My strength.

Samaira

14 years 1 month ago

'Single' ?

I am wondering if the use of this word is necessary?

regards
Sam.

Eduardo Cruz

14 years 1 month ago

Sam

I like Anna's suggestion!
Eddie C.

Samaira

14 years 1 month ago

I am amazed

how the change of a word makes more meaning of the write!
Will change it.

Many thanks Anna.

Regards
Sam.

Kailashana2

14 years 1 month ago

A poem I wrote in 1971 or 72.

Leaf

Bleak day that you are, I do not want,
Winds blistering away at me, I do not believe,
Lonely leaf on barren tree, unsacrificed by time, I do not see,

I stare upon a warm of long ago and still you cling to be,
Revenge taking its moment's indecision, lonely leaf no longer seeks her individuality,

Accept what is to be, spiral down, ballerina and rest upon the ground,
You will again be when I no longer can be me.

Nordic cloud

14 years ago

Dear Samaira

I'll add my banal bit, having thought about this thought provoking theme:-

Last leaf
you brave the winters winds and snow
defiantly
you disappear and yet you give
your strength to me.

Not a Haïku of course.

I saw three leaves on a tree at Christmas and wrote this:-

Three leaves left on a tree
winter solstice
trinity

Well it was just my thoughts and my love to you Ann

Samaira

14 years ago

Dear Ann

Thank you for sending your love and thoughts to me. I am indeed amazed that just by changing a few words, we can look at the same poem in an entirely different perspective! For example here you have transformed the essence of the poem from sadness to hope and courage.

Thanks a lot.. Merci beaucoup.
Regards
Sam.

Race_9togo

14 years ago

Hi Samaira

I like this little poem of yours. The suggestion of the use of the word "single" was a good one.
I would also try swapping the last two lines, so they read

"My strength
Before it falls"

I think this might sharpen the focus of the meaning, perhaps.

Samaira

14 years ago

Hello Jim

Thanks for your suggestion. It indeed reads better with the last two lines swapped !
Would love to receive your comments on my other writes as well.. after all, the essence of writing is to be read.

Regards
Sam.