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A
Al-Kanya
Feb 29, 2012 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Then I Shall Live... Again

When the chosen time has come
Bright light shall take
The crown from darkness
Then I shall live... Again

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: NAM

More from this author

Comments

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

13 years 4 months ago

Hello,

Welcome to neo poet! I like your title as it is pertinent to the message of the poem. Your language usage is good. The lines flow well. A short eloquent piece.

always, Cat

A

Al-Kanya

13 years 4 months ago

Thanks Cat. I count it good

Thanks Cat. I count it good fortune when others present their coments on my work because my believe is; the more they do it, the more I learn to write without errors!

Eduardo Cruz

Eduardo Cruz

13 years 4 months ago

Al,

Welcome to Neopoet, "land of the freed poets"
It is such a pleasure to have new poets to the site, I am looking forward to reading your work.

I like your poem alot, even thought I do not believe in that sort of thing.
I love when people write this way, short and to the point.
Now to the critic, I feel that the first line should be "has come," I think it will sound better and keep with the context of the poem. it is not incorrect what you have written it just sound better to me.
I have copied and pasted your poem here, so you can read it with the change, that is only my opinion. in the end it's your poem.
Eddie
--------------------------------------------------
When the chosen time has come
Bright light shall take
The crown from darkness
Then I shall live... Again

A

Al-Kanya

13 years 4 months ago

Thanx alot Eddie, I do

Thanx alot Eddie, I do appriciate your point of view. I would always love to learn from others point of views, after all, I believe in listening more then saying less!!

Eduardo Cruz

Eduardo Cruz

13 years 4 months ago

Al,

when you have a chance, read my poem
Myth, Fairytale and Reality?
http://www.neopoet.com/eduardo-cruz/blog/wed-2012-02-08-1758
Eddie
PS. if you ever what to change something in a poem after posting just hit edit, then just re-post.
then just let everyone know by writing edit or revision after the title.
if you need help with anything you can leave me a message on the site.

loved

loved

13 years 4 months ago

you are

unique
welcome on board

weirdelf

weirdelf

13 years 4 months ago

Exquisite wordcrafting

And welcome to Neopoet.
A deplorable message to an atheist like me. We don't wait for a saviour, we work to make ourselves better, yet whatever inspires poetry is something that is innately good.