Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Dec 13, 2024
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
There's Always Tomorrow...
I miss you, I miss the feel of your skin;
your cold hands as they seek the warmth of my neck.
I miss the smell of your breath, Pepsi, cigarettes, and love.
The chuckles of amusement at the tickle of chill fingers.
Holding on to each other until we are warm, and the day takes us away.
Today, you go about the business of static living, unforgiving.
You don't know me, I can't forget, you won't remember.
Roommates with history, lovers before doubt.
Is it you? Is it me? Who wins?
Head games require more effort
Tomorrow I will try harder.
I have enough noises in my head this morning.
Today I will coast, stay loose, let it be.
Tomorrow, I will be rested, retuned and sharper, maybe a winner...
Yeah, tomorrow should be a good day.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
6 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "There's Always Tomorrow..." effectively uses sensory imagery to convey longing and nostalgia. The first stanza paints a vivid picture of a past relationship through the use of specific details such as "the feel of your skin," "cold hands," and "the smell of your breath, Pepsi, cigarettes, and love." This specificity helps to ground the poem in tangible experiences, making the emotions more relatable to the reader.
However, the transition from the first to the second stanza could be smoother. The shift from reminiscing about a past relationship to discussing the speaker's current state of mind is abrupt. It might be beneficial to include a bridge line or two that connects these two ideas more seamlessly.
The second stanza effectively conveys the speaker's current state of mind and their hopes for the future. The use of phrases like "I will coast," "slide down the icy sidewalk and avoid falling," and "Tomorrow I will be rested, retuned and sharper" create a sense of anticipation and hope. However, the phrase "maybe a winner" could be clarified. What does winning look like for the speaker? Providing more details could help to strengthen this image.
The repetition of "tomorrow" throughout the poem effectively underscores the theme of hope and the possibility of change. However, the poem could benefit from a stronger conclusion. The last line "Yeah, tomorrow should be a good day" feels somewhat flat and doesn't provide a strong sense of closure. Consider revising this line to leave a more lasting impression on the reader.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Ray Miller
6 months 1 week ago
There's Always Tomorrow...
The opening stanza is fine, lines 2-4 especially good. I feel the 2nd stanza is flat by comparison, I get the narrator's false reassurance, but it's not making for good poetry, in my view.
Geezer
6 months 1 week ago
In adressing...
the complaint that the second stanza seems to fall flat, I realized that I had not made the scenario clear enough.
The persons are still living together, as roommates. She has decided to end the relationship. I hope that the revision has made the poem easier to understand. ~ Geezer.
.
Rula
6 months 1 week ago
Sir Geezer
I like especially the message delivered here. The title makes it clear no matter what.
Thank you for sharing.
Geezer
6 months 1 week ago
You are welcome...
The message is one that I found particularly interesting. I know of people who still live together, because they cannot afford to leave the situation. He still holds on to the notion that maybe... he can change her mind, that one day, he will be able to say the right words, make the right gesture and salvage the relationship. Thank you for the read and the comment. ~ Geez.
.
Lavender
6 months 1 week ago
There's Always Tomorrow
Hello, Geezer,
This definitely describes an uncomfortable place in this relationship. The line, "head games require more effort" holds so much weight. Such a sense of sadness and disbelief. And the feeling of not knowing what to do now. This is a bit different for you, and I know I've said it before - I really enjoy your free verse. It always seems to show a deeper, more vulnerable side of your poetry.
Thank you!
L
Geezer
6 months 1 week ago
After...
over fifty years of experience of relationships and marriage, [on my third one, which is more than thirty years], I can claim some knowledge of what it is like. A friend brought me his troubles recently and asked me what to do. I advised him to continue to treat her with respect, and not to expect that things were going to change, there are no magic words, no acts of kindness or insight that will do the trick. After he left, I sat down and wrote this, but I failed to set the scene so that it was readily deducible; hence the rewritten second stanza and additions. I am glad that you enjoy my free verse, and I do feel more vulnerable and introspective. Thank you for you read and comments. ~ Geez.
.
Ruby Lord
6 months 1 week ago
This left me feeling very sad
This left me feeling very sad. The progression from warmth and intimacy to disconnection and self doubt is subtle but powerful which is why it created an emotional response in me. Well done, Ruby :) xxx
Geezer
6 months 1 week ago
The emotional response...
is what I write for. I write to connect with the reader on issues that they have experience with and try to leave them with the feeling that they are not alone. Yes, every situation is different, no two people and no two incidents are exactly alike: however,
human beings are enough alike and there are only so many ways that things can go. Unless I miss one of your posts, I always try to comment on your work, as I see a reflection of my own in the things you write and write about. ~ Geez.
.
kowque
6 months 1 week ago
This felt deeply personal
I'm surprised you don't win every contest
I loved how evocative every line was
I felt love, loss and rebirth in this piece
The Gogetter
5 months 2 weeks ago
I like the sense of hopefulness in the poem
Hi Geezer. Just decided to take a look at some of your poems. The ending has a lot of hope in it, despite the journey that you describe and the feelings expressed. I feel some of the pain in this poem. Lord knows I have expressed enough in mine ( although I am very new to this). I liked the way you described the tortuous trek to that small amount of hope. Thank you Geezer, such long flowing sentences. I've got a long way to go to be like this.
Geezer
5 months 2 weeks ago
This is...
a relatively unused type of poem for me. I was tempted to say a new form for me; but it is as I say, just an unused sort of thing, I have done before. In my comments, I mention that it is a product of the conversation between my friend and I and personal experience. Thank you for your generous comments and praise. Geezer.
.