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Jan 17, 2023
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At Things Move On (-& On)...
-But we wonder about the world, out there...,
-Beyond our families and friends…
-The steps, or crises, seen elsewhere…,
-Some to applaud, some seeming without end...(!).
-We hope we can still achieve stuff…
-With less threat from disease, or war…
-But, as we’re older-living, increasingly…
-Will our successes prove our flaws…? (!).
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Geezer
2 years 9 months ago
I am...
wondering, if maybe your native language might be Latin based, like Spanish? Your lines seem to have that quality about them, in the way they are structured. I think you have a typo in your title, and what is with the dashes beginning the lines and the ellipsis on the end? ~ Geezer.
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Lavender
2 years 9 months ago
At (As?) Things Move On
Hello!
I like the message and meaning here, and share many of these thoughts. Should the title be "As" instead of "At" - maybe? I, too, wonder about the intent of the bullets and ellipses.
Welcome to Neopoet. I look forward to reading more!
Lavender