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Dec 10, 2022
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Think Of Me When The Nightbirds Cry
life spinning...in goodbye's blender
chased me out on an open highway
sacrificing the moon..for neon light
somewhere music and alcohol play
planets were aligning..this cold eve
she waited...by the nightclub's door
shadows wrapped in her raven hair
voice asking...why I am running for
her makeup..worn like a dark spirit
she was my dealer...mistress of fate
leading me..toward unknown lands
far from all light through time's gate
grey eyes that danced..in moonlight
while soaring...across starless skies
we faded.....into blackbird's dreams
and within her is where the end lies
think of me when
the nightbirds
cry
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Words were loosely inspired by the lyrics of Stevie Nicks. Nothing was copied or plagiarized. It is presented in a borderline song lyric style.
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
Jackweb
2 years 7 months ago
Welcome to neopoet!
In the title, " Think of me when the night bed cry", there's more to this than meets the eye. The poet was already in the snare of this woman. And never knew what await him in the future. That's why he repeated in the last stanza. "Think of me when the night bed cry".
These are stanzas that gave a vivid description of this classic whore!
her makeup..worn like a dark spirit
she was my dealer...mistress of fate
leading me..toward unknown lands
far from all light through time's gate
grey eyes that danced..in moonlight
while soaring...across starless skies
we faded.....into blackbird's dreams
and within her is where the end lies
I can envisage the characteristics of Jezebelic nature in her life. You really revealed her true self through your word usage.
"her makeup..worn like a dark spirit"
"she was my dealer...mistress of fate",
In the light of real self-realization,
real images are presented in aesthetic beauty through artistic words. Magnificent lines revealing your poetic energy.
Excellent poetic sharing.
.
JEG325
2 years 7 months ago
Think Of Me When The Nightbirds Cry
Thank you so much for welcoming me to this site. I am super pleased to be here. I hope it will be an enjoyable as well as an enlightening experience. I'm extra, extra pleased that you liked my poem!
Geezer
2 years 7 months ago
Damn...
that was good! I am reminded of those little bars in New Orleans' back alleys, where the Blues singers eke out a sort of life
seen in the movies. I'll bet that you can still find those little spots down there off from Bourbon Street. Excellent feel to it!
~ Geezer.
.
JEG325
2 years 7 months ago
Think Of Me When The Nightbirds Fly
Never been there but, I have written a few poems about it anyway because it's such an interesting area. Thanks for reviewing my poem and I appreciate your kind words!
Lavender
2 years 7 months ago
Think Of Me When The Nightbirds Cry
Greetings!
Love the title. It drew me in, and kept its promise. This piece gives me the feeling of mystery and magic, along with a longing for something unknown. Great ending.
Welcome to Neopoet!
Lavender
JEG325
2 years 7 months ago
Think Of Me When The Nightbirds Cry
The title seems to be a great draw. I like to write with a touch of mysticism and magic in my poems. Often it's dark magic though. It seems to be a style I have adopted over the last year or so. Thank you so much for reading it and for your very kind words!
Rosewood Apothecary
2 years 7 months ago
Welcome
Everyone seems to have enjoyed it as much as I. Always glad to have another rhymer. I like the flow. You’ve got a good grasp for timing and meter however (please don’t take offense), I’d lose all the ellipses. Usually they indicate a superfluous word has been omitted or contextually redundant. I do not find that to be the case here. Commas work well enough but you don’t really need them in many of the above examples.
They didn’t detract from the quality of the read for me I just think they’re unnecessary.
Great job and welcome,
Tim
JEG325
2 years 7 months ago
Think Of Me When The Nightbirds Cry
No offense taken. I use ellipses to even my lines as even lines are a known style of mine. They indicate a breaking point in the line which is done to maintain the best flow possible while spacing out my lines as even as I can. I am so very pleased that you liked this one and hope you can look past this unique style of mine. Thank you for stopping by and reviewing my poem!