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This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoet Weekly 05/25/25 to 05/31/25

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Thoughts

As I find myself getting old I often stare
A daily habit that I refuse to share

I begin to review my life from the start
And start thinking about the day I will depart

I review the day that I met the world of my life
And thank the Lord for a most loving wife

I see my children now a bit older too
And recall the delights we have had,a grand review

Now with great grandchildren playing about
Listening to their laughs and words they shout

Life brings us to understand the real essence of our acts
And allow us to realistically review the facts

So as I sit here under my lamp’s cool glare
I remember why I so often stare

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: USA Pennsylvania, USA

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Comments

neopoet

neopoet

3 weeks 4 days ago

Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem addresses universal themes such as aging, reflection, family, and mortality. Its structure is clear, and the rhyme scheme is consistent, which provides a sense of rhythm and predictability.

However, there are several areas where the poem could be strengthened:

1. **Imagery and Specificity:**
The poem currently relies heavily on general statements ("review my life," "delights we have had," "real essence of our acts"). Consider incorporating more specific, vivid imagery or concrete details. For example, instead of broadly mentioning "delights," describe a particular moment or memory that captures the essence of family joy.

2. **Depth and Originality of Reflection:**
The reflections presented are familiar and somewhat predictable. To enhance emotional resonance, consider exploring more nuanced or unexpected insights about aging, family, or mortality. This could involve examining more complex emotions or contradictions inherent in the aging process.

3. **Language and Word Choice:**
Some phrases ("world of my life," "realistically review the facts") feel vague or awkwardly phrased. Clarifying or refining these expressions could help the poem achieve greater clarity and emotional impact. Consider more precise or evocative language to convey your intended meaning.

4. **Rhythm and Flow:**
While the rhyme scheme is consistent, the rhythm occasionally feels forced or unnatural. For example, the line "Life brings us to understand the real essence of our acts" feels overly wordy and disrupts the poem’s rhythm. Revising lines for smoother readability could enhance the overall flow.

By addressing these points—particularly by adding specificity, deepening the reflection, refining language, and improving rhythm—the poem can become more engaging and resonant for readers.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

Geezer

3 weeks 4 days ago

I really...

understand the things you are saying, I feel the same as I review my life. I guess when you reach our age, you start reflecting
on what has brought you to this point. I'm with you on that. I do see what the AI has to say and have to agree that some parts seem wordier than need be. I suspect that in trying to cram all those emotions into some lines, that it happens more often than we like. Take your time, read it aloud, [for your rhythm and pace], go over it for ways to trim it up. This should and could, be a really great piece. ~ Geez.
.

kowque

kowque

3 weeks 3 days ago

Oooh

I don't know how you manage to rhyme so well,with impact

I'm impressed