alidzain

Mar 05, 2015 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Thoughts About Life

How we lived our lives will define its quality
if it is a gift to be celebrated
or the shame of ignorance in quantity,
a mistake which needs to be corrected

The diversity in opinions isn't a reason
to bear the bitter fruits of enmity.
If we can all choose to be kind and tolerant,
we can witness beauty in variety.

A humble fool who is willing to learn
is more valuable than an arrogant wise man
for he seeks the way for improvement
while the other's pride makes him a poor friend

When the young can respect the elders
and the old showers youths with love
the caring hearts will reveal no strangers
and harmony will increase life's worth

If leaders can resist their own greed
and keep the promises they have made
they'll be so much greater indeed,
no longer be the subjects many hate.

Eventually, we all need each other
to paint this journey in vibrant colours

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: singapore, SGP

Favorite Poets: Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, Sarojini Naidu and friends in Neopoet.

Comments

judyanne

10 years 4 months ago

Alid

A write we can all empathise with
I like the occasional rhyme, and the rhythm is smooth

One nit - you have the apostrophe in 'isn't' in the wrong place
love judy
xxx

alidzain

10 years 4 months ago

Thanks, Judy

for the visit and the correction. Don't know how I missed that one.

Alid

Rula

10 years 4 months ago

Well said

khalid. I like how you've displayed the good values without being preachy.

PS. There's a "will" , verse 1 calling for an "l"

alidzain

10 years 4 months ago

Thanks, Rula

erm. any comments about the ending or how I can improve it?

Alid

emeka ozurumba

10 years 4 months ago

very innocent work....

this seems to me like someone writing his first poems.. very passionate

alidzain

10 years 4 months ago

Thanks, emeka

long time never talk with you. How's life been for you? I hope you and your loved ones are fine.

Alid

scribbler

10 years 4 months ago

Hi Alid

Very good. The occasional rhyme and near rhyme work well in holding this together. One thing I'd suggest, try ending this with a rhyming couplet instead of an unrhyming one. Then use whichever you think best......stan

alidzain

10 years 4 months ago

Stan

Done the edits. What do you think?

Alid

judyanne

10 years 4 months ago

i like the change of the final couplet

to rhyme
but the verses are a tad short compared to the rest of the write, and I am left 'saying 'well that was an abrupt end'
perhaps you could say it with more words
(lol GB Shaw will be turning in his grave)
xxx