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CL
c lynn brooks
Oct 17, 2020 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Thoughts Gone Astray

Cold callused hand of fate
let hold your grip ,so tight
Let me spread my wings and take flight
to a new and bright tomorrow
abandon all the toil and trial

Show me where I should be instead
stop playing dreams through my head
I know full well where I need to be
uncover these eyes so they may see

So lost among the distant plains
deluged by the persistent rain
obliterating all the pain
but leaving one empty
still the same

Heartache. hardship and the story goes on
when and where it ends time will tell
somewhere in the distance
the tolling of the bell

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: north carolina usa, USA

Favorite Poets: Leonard Cohen, Edgar Alan Poe, ray Bradbury, John Grissom, .Alan S Jeeves James patterson,

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Comments

Geezer

Geezer

4 years 8 months ago

Yeah...

I hear ya. Don't think that there is anything I can help with, but if... Anyway, I feel the ache and I know that if you let it, time heals the wound. Never completely, but enough to let you sleep at night and get on with your life. I see a couple of things here,
1] Get rid of the comma in the 2nd line, you don't need it.
2] First line 2nd stanza put an h in should
Nothing much else to add; a story as old as human-kind. Smoke some kind-bud and do the "Bobby" Don't worry, be happy."
~ Gee.
.

C

c lynn brooks

4 years 8 months ago

Gee

thanks for the read. I will fix that stuff shortly . This is the point and time I am at right now today

Lavender

Lavender

4 years 8 months ago

Thoughts Gone Astray

Hello, Chrys.
I saw a funny quote the other day, no reference given: "I would go out of my mind, but I can't find the exit." That's so true, at least for me - I get in deeper and the thoughts certainly do seem to stray. I feel frustration in this piece, but more than that - I feel a lot of strength. Geezer's suggestion just about tipped me over! Too wonderful! :)
You are inspiring, and I send you tons of warm wishes.
Thank you!
L

Gracy

Gracy

4 years 8 months ago

Dear lynn, lovely poem. I

Dear lynn, lovely poem. I think I emphasize with a lot of it, it strikes one's heart, in good as well as sad ways.
No nits, the title, content and spacing are all perfect. Enjoyed, Gracy

C

c lynn brooks

4 years 8 months ago

Jerry

Hey now yes you got the correct bell thank you so much for stopping by