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Apr 12, 2025
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Three Days
Lashed and bloody.
demeaned and nailed
to that wooden cross,
a thorny crown pressed
into his head.
A spear pressed
into his side
spilling blood and
water alike
splashing on the ground.
It is three days
until resurrection
Sunday.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
2 months 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem addresses a significant religious theme with clear imagery and direct language. To strengthen the piece, consider the following points:
1. **Imagery and Detail:**
The imagery of suffering is explicit and vivid ("lashed and bloody," "thorny crown," "spear pressed"). However, the poem could benefit from deeper exploration or more nuanced imagery to evoke emotional resonance beyond familiar religious symbolism. Consider adding sensory details or unexpected metaphors that might deepen the reader's emotional engagement.
2. **Language and Word Choice:**
The language is straightforward and accessible, but the repetition of "pressed" ("a thorny crown pressed," "A spear pressed") in close proximity may unintentionally weaken the impact. Consider varying word choice or phrasing to maintain reader interest and enhance poetic rhythm.
3. **Structure and Rhythm:**
The structure is concise and direct, but the rhythm feels somewhat abrupt, especially toward the end. Experimenting with line breaks or stanza divisions could help manage pacing and emphasize key moments, such as the transition from suffering to anticipation of resurrection.
4. **Thematic Development:**
The poem concludes by referencing "three days until resurrection Sunday," which introduces a sense of anticipation. However, the shift from vivid suffering to hopeful expectation is abrupt. Consider expanding slightly on this transition to provide a more balanced emotional arc or thematic depth.
Overall, the poem clearly communicates its intended religious narrative. Refining the imagery, varying word choice, and carefully structuring the poem could enhance its emotional depth and resonance.
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