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Oct 21, 2018
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threshold [Sunku]
silence
surrounded
gentle footsteps
open
palm anxious
for maiden touch
craving
the caress
of fluffy white
About This Poem
Last Few Words: This is my effort to keep this innovative Sunku form on the radar...by posting at least 1 sunku per month
Style/Type: Structured: Eastern
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Eumolpus
6 years 8 months ago
I do not know the form that well
but enjoy the challenge of such a short poem. every word counts both in sound and how they expand.
There is a gentleness, an openness, a sensuality.
The only word that stops me is "receptacle", a cold, clinical word for me, used by chemists and engineers...so it seems out of place.
raj
6 years 8 months ago
Thanks Eumolpus
for reading and commenting. ...I agree with you that "receptacle" doesn't have the same feel...I have now changed it
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IRiz
6 years 8 months ago
I love this Sunku!
I love this Sunku!
raj
6 years 8 months ago
thanks IRiz for taking time
thanks IRiz for taking time to read....knowing that the one who innovated this form liked it means a lot...brought on a smile for me...
IRiz
6 years 8 months ago
:)
:)