Ticket to There

Sometimes, when I'm blue
I make no distinction
between planes or trains.

I imagine they'll both take me
away to somewhere else
I'd much rather be.

A place where you're still with me.
Not helplessly fading away.
My weathered ticket in hand.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: San Francisco Bay Area - USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Bukowski, Billy Collins, Ted Kooser, Haiku & Harvey Kurtzman (a visual poet, of sorts)

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Lavender

11 months 2 weeks ago

Ticket to There

Hello, Michael,
Beautiful, and very deep in thought. Perfect title, and such wonderful meaning in the final line.
Thank you,
L

Michael Anthony

11 months 2 weeks ago

Thanks L! I wrote this one in

Thanks L! I wrote this one in my head while walking in one of my favorite local places to walk. I really liked the last line too, if I do say so myself. Always appreciate you stopping by!

Best

Geezer

11 months 2 weeks ago

Hey Michael...

I got lost in the last three lines.
If you rearrange the last thre lines, you don't have to think about who is fading away.

"Not helplessly fading away,
my weathered ticket in hand,
a place where you are still with me.

A rather somber picture of being lonely.

~ Geez.
.

Michael Anthony

11 months 2 weeks ago

Thanks Geez! This was intended to be more about grief than loneliness, and how we deal with it. Might have missed for you, but I like the last stanza as is, but it's always okay for the reader to get different messages from a poem. Appreciate you taking the time to contribute thoughtful comments sir!

Best