Till Again

We made love before you even touched me,
For the act of love itself means nothing,
Without the promise,
A vow, a sincerity,
That exists more in the proof of commitment,
Then the heat of the loins,

Yet, when the act was complete,
It was more delicious,
Than the sweetest words ever written,

Two lovers, between one another,
Bare to the bone,
With faces flushed as pink stone,
In blue light of dawn…

My mind knows I love you,
My body feels I love you,
My heart cries, I love you,
And I do,

Yet, such expressions of love should not be taken lightly,
If delved into nightly,
For mad I might become with delight,
And happiness would be hard found in the day,
Till again, you took my breath away.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: The South, US, USA

Favorite Poets: William Blake, Edgar Allen Poe, Robert Frost, Joyce Kilmer, Walt Whitman, Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Robert Browning

Comments

scribbler

13 years 4 months ago

Hi

This was torrid without being pornographic. Were it me writing this, which it isn't, I would probably have split the three longest lines in half. And you did well using occasional rhyme to enhance this.........stan

Rainy Day

13 years 4 months ago

Hi Stan

Thank you for your comment. I believe you are right. The 3 longest lines would be better split. I believe I will revise it. I think the poem will look and sound better this way. Thank you so much.

loved

13 years 4 months ago

It reminds me of the folly of all women

It reminds me of the folly of all women
day in and day out
they say No
ere they give in
and
we all know that this is not the end
there will be many a repetition
for the juices forbidden
are spice of life
be it with any gal ,
maybe a wife...