Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Apr 28, 2011
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
TIME
The old sundial
tells the time
without knowing it
About This Poem
Last Few Words: This came about because I looked at a stump, quite tall below me, and saw the tiny part of its wood sticking up making a perfect sundial. 27th April when we went a walk to Nedre and Øvre Blanksjø. (Lower and Upper Shining lake) I know it isn't 5/7/5.
Style/Type: Structured: Eastern
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
brittle light
14 years 2 months ago
I like this very much..
I like this very much...caught the essence of what I like about Haiku (as I understand it)... describing a simple thought/moment... with elegance.
An insightful observation!
Geezer
14 years 2 months ago
I couldn't...
have said it better than brittlelight! Got the essence of the thought, and it was as clean as any haiku I have ever read! Bravo, my queen! ~ Sir Gee
mand
14 years 2 months ago
Hi Ann
An amazing way to tell time - accurate as ever, even a stick!
Brilliant haiku
Love Mand xxxxxxxx
loved
14 years 2 months ago
The brilliance
of time is apparent
in the haiku,
as only time can teach
without knowing what..........
it does
Nordic cloud
14 years 2 months ago
Brilliant comment
Thank you Ann.
scribbler
14 years 2 months ago
hello
Now you have me thinking of the many things which can/have been used to mark the passage of time. This reminds me of a tale I heard once. Seems a man once asked God the meaning of eternity. After a bit of thought God replied : Imagine a stone the size of earth. Next imagine an incredibly long lived bird. Since the stone is floating out in space, the only wear it gets is when every 100 years this bird flies past and sweeps its wing tip on the stone. Now imagine how much time it would take for the stone to wear away to nothing by this bird's passings.........and even this is not eternity. ........Even the amount of time it takes to read this comment is not eternity lmao.............stan
Nordic cloud
14 years 2 months ago
I enjoyed your story Stan
Yes everyone, it is the total simplicity, the everydayness of haïku that expresses the deepest thoughts untrammelled by the rhetoric, the clutter of words with other meanings and associations, a directness of delivery neat as a nutshell holding its nut. Well this is what I understand by them, when liking some of the masters of this art, it is those that say just this, that are deepest.
Sometimes poets in the west capture this essence of simplicity, on the Norwegian poem page there have been many poems about the drop/drip, and one of the N. poets had one I liked, cannot say I remember exactly and now it must be translated:-
The drop on the tree
hangs there
not..............Sigmund Mjelve
Well I'm not sure of it but it has that simplicity.
One of mine similar to this of mine is:-
the arranged flower
didn't know
it was cut off
I must send some others elsewhere love to you stan and thank you all for your lovely comments above. Ann.
Roscoe Lane
14 years 2 months ago
Your timing,
Your timing is impeccable as always. Regards Roscoe..
Nordic cloud
14 years 2 months ago
Oh Geeeeee!
:) love from Ann- takk.
TheUnknownAuthor
14 years 2 months ago
...
I believe it was Da Vinci who said, that simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.
Nice one, Ma'am:)
Nordic cloud
14 years 2 months ago
Just as the modern way of
Just as the modern way of saying it can be:-
more is less?
And often it is so.
Takk from Ann.
Hooded Stranger
14 years 2 months ago
Ann
Ann,
again your attention to detail has created this little gem.
I don't think it matters that it doesn't have the 5-7-5 structure...but if it does matter to some:
The ancient sundial
is telling time perfectly
without knowing it
regards,
HS
Nordic cloud
14 years 2 months ago
...the jump into space
Oh well done you that is perfect!
The only thing for me
is that slight hesitation that haiku seem to have,
not quite sure how to describe that,
but the jump into space,
of the mind,
as one rises up enough to get the last line in focus
and one realises its message.
Do you see what I mean, people ?
Love from Ann as aye.
wesley snow
14 years 1 month ago
Haiku?!
I don't understand haiku. I don't dislike it. I just don't get it most of the time. Every once in a while one sneaks in and explains itself to me. This just might be my favorite haiku. I'll have to get back to you on that, but I think it probably is my favorite.
wesley