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Aug 23, 2014
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TIME
TIME
Raging water falling
from my fingers.
carried away by Time's madness
relentless and unforgiving
nothing to grab onto.
memories betray
voices still
a lifetime swept into
indifference
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
mand
10 years 10 months ago
Hi there Geremia
Nice to see you! This poem "to me is so sad" if I am interpreting it correctly! It reveals a constantly painful struggle - from which there is no respite and little comfort, with a sense of hopelessness inevitability.
You convey emotions and feeling very well with powerful imagery!
If I have a critique / suggestion - it would be to make the title a bit more punchy.
"Time Sweeps Indifference" ( Something along those lines ).
Of course it's only a suggestion - you know what you want to convey!
Other than that - I think this poem says alot in few words.
Love Mand xxxxxx
Geremia
10 years 10 months ago
you read me well ! I will
you read me well ! I will consider your suggestion, Thank you!
love
joe
weirdelf
10 years 10 months ago
Without death there can be no life
I have ceased to defeat it by procreation, creation of timeless works or just ignoring it, "Life is too short to spend time prolonging it" (James bond via Ian Fleming).
Science is the only hope, this planet has a finite life span so unless we can escape to the stars the race itself is doomed.
Acceptance, my friend, acceptance.
Excellent verse.
Geremia
10 years 10 months ago
Yes, you are right ! joe
Yes, you are right !
joe