Time to give up?

Haunting the streets
as I add up my worth,
I've always been replaceable,
even from birth.

Misses all the chances,
crying in a paper cup,
Withdrew from their advances,
time to give up?

Sick in my solitude,
I let days & weeks creep by.
No senseless gratitude,
"we only live if we try"

My mind, constant chaos,
quietened by Demon drink.
Drowning pedantic thoughts,
that I just don't want to think.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Still a work in progress, still hurting about my daughter, with pain comes creativity I guess, it floods out of me when my heart is broken xx

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Lichfield UK, GBR

Favorite Poets: Oscar Wilde , Shakespeare , William Blake, Wilfred Owen, W. H Auden , Lewis Carroll , Philip Larkin

Comments

captain 2

10 months 2 weeks ago

This poem is sounds like my

This poem is sounds like my own mind, at least sometimes. Definitely trying to add up my worth. Definitely quieted by demon drink. The line that i find most interesting is " no senseless gratitude"....I've felt that way before, but is it really senseless? I think that is the crux of the entire question of being - should we be grateful, or not. It's so hard sometimes. For me, senseless little gratitude's are all I've had to keep me going - sometimes.

You mentioned your hurting about your daughter. The circumstances of that are none of my business, but I know how disruptions to that precious relationship can shake the foundations of your world. I hope you don't give up!

I loved this poems content and it's execution. I'm not a good enough poet to offer construction criticism. I wouldn't change anything.

best,
capain