A Time To Grieve

Just shed your tears and let it pour
Don't hold back, your heart is sore

Release the anger! Go ahead and scream!
My friend, I know that life can be grim

Don't let the pain consume your soul
and leave you bitter and feel so cold

Do spare some time to grief, my dear
but don't dwell too long here

The dead will want you to move on
to strive until your time is gone

So cry until your tears are dry
and keep their legacy alive

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: singapore, SGP

Favorite Poets: Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, Sarojini Naidu and friends in Neopoet.

Comments

Sparrow

10 years 3 months ago

Alid

A compact piece of writing and flowed well not sure of the form, that never bothers me, but if I like it or not.. This I liked, just one tiny typo:-

The dead will want you to move on
to strive unti your time is gone,
Until lost its tail, if that was me
I would fall out of my tree..
Yours, Ian

alidzain

10 years 3 months ago

Thank you, Ian

This is still a rough draft but I'm glad you liked it.

Alid

weirdelf

10 years 3 months ago

Beware writing in the second person, my friend

unless it is specifically addressed to an individual. It can so easily sound preachy. This seems to be written with a particular person in mind, in which case it is touching and I'm sure would be highly appreciated.
I think it would be improved my maintaining the meter you established in the opening.
Otherwise it is endearing, wise and, I'm sorry to say, a little trite.

alidzain

10 years 3 months ago

Jess

Thanks for the warning. This is not done yet. I need ideas to relay the message better especially when it comes to meter. You know I'm no expert in the subject but I'm trying to learn so I'm editing it bit by bit.

Alid