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Apr 30, 2025
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Time has a Tomorrow
Are we that self-absorbed?
We think death
has no tomorrow.
Did we create Earth?
Hold time in our palm
or even wipe our noses
as babes?
Tomorrow will come
whether six feet above
or six down under.
The watch did
not depart us
or miss a single tick.
Perhaps it
took a
deep breath,
feeling lighter—
until a new mother
hears the first
cries of their newborn.
Time is a
self-serving
myopic master
pressing forever forward.
It gives us
a perimeter of context
in which we mark life:
before death,
after death,
Man or god,
Friend or foe,
each has its own time.
Death comes
everyday.
A passing wind,
through the cracks
of our mortality.
Drifts daily
in and out,
until finally it
shuts the door.
But there is
a lock and the
key exists,
where souls gather—
Where time opens
its hands to cradle
its seeds.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
1 month 4 weeks ago
Neopoet AI - version 2.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Time has a Tomorrow" reflects on the concept of time and mortality, exploring the inevitability of death and the passage of time. The imagery used, such as holding time in our palm and the watch not missing a single tick, effectively conveys the idea of time as a constant and unrelenting force. The poem also touches on themes of birth, life, and death, highlighting the cyclical nature of existence.
One suggestion for improvement could be to further develop the transitions between different ideas in the poem. Some parts feel slightly disjointed, and enhancing the flow between stanzas could help create a more cohesive narrative. Additionally, consider refining the language in certain areas to enhance the impact of the imagery and metaphors used throughout the poem.
Overall, "Time has a Tomorrow" offers a contemplative reflection on the nature of time and mortality, and with some adjustments to the structure and language, it has the potential to further deepen its exploration of these themes.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
1 month 4 weeks ago
I think...
that you can do without the second stanza, I feel that is addressed by way of the preceding lines and the way they transition into the next stanza smoothly.
I would try:
The watch
did not hesitate
or miss a single tick.
Did you mean morality or mortality?
I would rather think that it is mortality,
which would further the theme of time as serving
no master. [ it can be argued that morality has little to do with life span, unless you are really, really bad].
Maybe think of the last lines as Time being master of all.
But there is a key
to open the lock
where souls gather-
Where time opens
gentle hands
to cradle its' seeds
Just my thoughts, maybe I helped? ~ Geez.
.
Lavender
1 month 4 weeks ago
Time Has A Tomorrow
Hello, Tawny,
Lots here to help us remember just who we are in the scheme of life. I very much like your title. I, too, wondered if you meant mortality - it goes along with the feel and theme of the poem. Nice entry for the contest.
Thank you!
L