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W
Words.unwritten
Jan 18, 2023 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoem Of The Year 2022 🏆 Winner

(Read More...)

Time machine

If I could build a Time machine
I'm not sure where I'd go
A chance to alter memories
Unmeet people that I know

To unsay words I shouldn't have said
And say ones I wish I had
Rewrite each badly written page
Relive days spent with my dad

Unbreak my broken heart
Undoing all damage done
Erasing all the bad times
And relive all the fun

But I can't build a Time machine
So play cards dealt by fate
I don't need to Time travel
To a specific date

I've learnt that Time is precious
So why go back and waste it
Yes my future is unknown
But I can't wait to taste it

Life itself's a time machine
Wherever my destination
I will live each day content
In its subtle variation.

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Not actively editing

About the Author

Country/Region: West Yorkshire

Favorite Poets: Byron, Keats , Robert burns, Shakespeare , Edgar Allen poe

More from this author

Comments

Geezer

Geezer

2 years 5 months ago

Very, very good!...

I think that adding [ing] to Undo and Erase, would help the tempo just a bit. I like that you have left out words
that do not matter and still keep the meaning of the line. A lesson that I learned early on in my writing and
something I have tried to teach people, but rarely succeed in. You could add a syllable to second to last line in the last stanza. [I will] live each day content. Your rhyme is excellent, and the theme is too. Very well done. ~ Geez.
.

W

Words.unwritten

2 years 5 months ago

Thank you geezer ...I was

Thank you geezer ...I was also unsure about the ing ... I shall change that because I did originally write it that way ... thanks a lot for your advise ..and comments means a great deal x

Alex Tanner

Alex Tanner

2 years 5 months ago

Loved it

How often have we all wanted to do just that, I know i have. Simply, but beautifully put, as poetry should be.Alex

Alex Tanner

Alex Tanner

2 years 5 months ago

Back

I would go back only about 14 years to warn of my 4 year old granddaughters brain tumour in the hope there would be time to treat it. She never suffered, she never complained and died soon after her 6th birthday. I have thought of writing about her but the right words, as yet, won't come. Alex

W

Words.unwritten

2 years 5 months ago

I'm sorry to hear that ... I

I'm sorry to hear that ... I can't imagine what you went through ... writing about such loss would be difficult and when you're ready if you ever are I'm sure you will honour her with beautiful words x x

Rosewood Apothecary

Rosewood Apothecary

2 years 5 months ago

Excellent

I’m a fan and you know that. I can say I agree with you, life is the time machine. Although it doesn’t put me I a position to change the past it sure will let you live there which I don’t recommend. It’s good for a quick visit, or a subtle reminder, beyond that it’s best left behind.

Excellent job,
Tim

W

Words.unwritten

2 years 5 months ago

Thanks Tim... I think that

Thanks Tim... I think that that's really what it's about ..like I've lived in my past for too long ..or at least let it haunt me ...and now finally my life seems to be going forward ..lots of new things happening and I've realised I can't go back ..and shouldn't because lifes too short ...too little time ..thank you for your support as always x x

W

Words.unwritten

2 years 5 months ago

I'm definitely not a pro lol

I'm definitely not a pro lol only really started sharing my work recently thank you so much for your lovely comments it means a great deal ... Great to meet you too ..yes ..I'm in the competition with this poem xx
I will check out some of your work ..xx

Lavender

Lavender

2 years 5 months ago

Time Machine

Wonderfully written in tempo and rhyme. And, yes! to its message. The last two lines are especially inspiring.
Thank you!
L

Rula

Rula

2 years 4 months ago

Congratulations!

On winning the grand prize. Well merited.
Keep up the good work!

Geezer

Geezer

2 years 4 months ago

Your winning...

Poem of the Year needs a public congratulation! This was surely the best of our competition. I am sure that you will be an even better competitor in next year's contest. See ya then! ~ Geezer.
.

W

Words.unwritten

2 years 4 months ago

Thanks so much everyone ..

Thanks so much everyone ...means a great deal to me ... I joined this group to get my work out there and to see what people think as I've never shared anything before ..I've learnt so much from you all and will definitely continue writing .. x x x

Rosewood Apothecary

Rosewood Apothecary

2 years 4 months ago

Congratulations

I’m on a self imposed hiatus this week with a ton going on but I would be absolutely distraught and remiss if I did not comment. You are a great writer and collaborator. Congratulations on your well deserved win.

Tim