Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Jun 18, 2025
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
Time Machine
I wish I had a time machine
that would take me back
to the days I remember,
the days when I was free as the wind.
I remember the days
when life was so fine and innocent.
I wish I could live back in the days when
everyone was there with a smile,
when we were kids, when we were young,
when we would live just for fun.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Help with critism
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
neopoet
3 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem captures a nostalgic longing for the past, a theme that resonates widely. To enhance its emotional impact and clarity, consider the following points:
1. **Punctuation and Line Breaks:** The poem currently reads as a block of text, which can make it harder to engage with. Introducing line breaks and punctuation will help pace the poem and emphasize key moments. For example, breaking after "time machine" or "free as the wind" can create natural pauses.
2. **Consistency and Grammar:** There are some grammatical inconsistencies, such as "bring me back to the days I remember the days" which feels repetitive. Revising to something like "bring me back to the days I remember" or "bring me back to the days when I was free" would improve flow.
3. **Imagery and Specificity:** The poem uses general phrases like "free as the wind," "life was so fine and innocent," and "everyone was there with a smile." Adding more specific, vivid images can deepen the reader's connection. For example, what specific memories or scenes embody that freedom and innocence?
4. **Tone and Voice:** The poem’s voice is straightforward and conversational, which can work well, but varying sentence structure or introducing metaphor could add depth and lyrical quality.
5. **Ending Line:** The final line "when we just live for fun.p" seems to have a typo ("fun.p"). Also, the phrase "just live for fun" is a bit vague. Consider rephrasing to something more evocative or reflective.
Overall, focusing on structure, clarity, and vivid imagery will strengthen the poem’s nostalgic theme and emotional resonance.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
3 months 1 week ago
Time Machine
Hello, Mary,
I think we can all relate to this poem - I'm not certain I'd want to stay there, but definitely have a nice long visit. I like the simplicity of this poem, it makes the memories so much richer.
I don't believe this is Western - no rhyme or specific structure. It appears to be free verse.
Thank you!
L