themoonman

Aug 29, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Time Slip

I'm tired but my day won't end,
too much that isn't done.
I started this day yesterday,
laying down
but sleep won't come.
So many things are unattended
but I cannot even move,
the demands won't stop
on the bed I've dropped
maybe my mind will follow soon.

Wake up to a brand new day,
still tired from before,
the phone calls start,
loaded down with sparks,
I am anything but bored.
The rush fires up,
gotta move my butt,
still not ready to go on.
I'm tired as the day begins,
turn around, and this one's gone.

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

weirdelf

13 years 10 months ago

Rosi,

your feedback is becoming so much more perceptive.

It might not mean what Richard intended, but rember, the poem is yours, once he has given it to you.

themoonman

13 years 10 months ago

Rosi ...

This is what we want here, to know that our intended
message or theme has been placed into the readers thoughts.
Thank you so much for your comment.

We are none any better or worse, we all have good days and
bad ones, brilliance and downright stupidity, all part of the human
condition, and the best thing about it is this, we don't stop learning
until we're gone.

loved

13 years 10 months ago

This is like

a guy
who had lots to do ,
but kicked the bucket
bit too soon.
Regards Sir and best wishes
you still have to see
another 1000 full moons

themoonman

13 years 10 months ago

Loved ...

only a 1000, hopefully with little resistance.

thanks

loved

13 years 10 months ago

Ah

may be more than a thousand perhaps
you are still young

themoonman

13 years 10 months ago

Eph ...

good to see ya back, glad you liked this little slip of mine.

Geezer

13 years 10 months ago

Been there...

and done that, so I truly know where you are coming from Richard. I wish you much luck in this frantic life, and the strength to write more of this work. I also wish you long life, so that you might live long enough to enjoy what you have built. Good poem, by the way! ~ Gee

themoonman

13 years 10 months ago

Hi Gee...

thank you sir, and I wish the same for you and yours,
may we all have some less frantic moments and peace
in our hearts.

weirdelf

13 years 10 months ago

My only crit in this fine poem,

is that you lose the meter occasionally.

themoonman

13 years 10 months ago

Hi Jess ...

Yes, it does lose meter in a couple of places,
you should've seen it before I called myself fixing it.
Every since you were talking about meter, I've been
working on it some, and this is the result.

thanks

Kailashana2

13 years 10 months ago

So, is today a good day,

So, is today a good day, Richard?

;-)

themoonman

13 years 10 months ago

Yes

It is now Anna, it is now !

scribbler

13 years 10 months ago

Hi Richard

It seems the days are either empty and drag or are filled and pass in a wink lol. For self-employed the happy medium is rare i know. This poem is an excellent example of how well near rhyming can work...........stan