Tin.....

I put all ideas and treasures unto thee
special siver coins
photographs of precious muses\
stubs from special events
a condom just in case
a set of ideals and some
broken bent principles
a twig from a walk
Ive forgotten

I see its cedar

a stone from the tracik
in the fall
and a letter printed from
an old lover
It is very short

my life is at its end
my cigarette box
is impety

of impetus

I have nothing more

i am empty

i have become a nothing
man

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: north ontario, CAN

Favorite Poets: Klo , .., Ida, .., Rhiannon1010, .., Pleiades, .., Valryianne, .., Ester, .., Stephanie, .., Emina Smajevic, ..., Elefentee, ..., Sommer Lyn, ..., Jasmine, ..., Rula, ...

Comments

judyanne

10 years 5 months ago

interesting write Steve

siver, tracik .....impety - are these purposeful coinage?
I ask, as I would've thought they were typos for 'silver' 'track' 'empty' , except for the fact that 'siver' is a word (but it is actually a street gutter so I wonder at its relevance)

You have a backward slash after 'muses' - is that supposed to be there?

Other little typos -
Last line first stanza Ive forgotton - i've
'My life at its end - it's
Next line ... I see its cedar - it's

I really like this write Steve
I especially like the thought of 'broken, bent principles' going into your tin, and the rather short love letter (lol)
But my favourite it the condom 'in case' lol

but none of the 'amusing thoughts' detract from the main feel of the write, which is far from funny
Well done (as usual)
love judy
xxx

Esker

10 years 5 months ago

Ruddy Ol Kip

"If"

keep hearing it from otheres...

this was a fun write actually..
went on my tour of downtown and enjoyed it well..
came home and from the little store bought cheese
puff junk food..Which we enjoyed well..

and then My woman and I slept in same bed
again for second night
in a long long while...

Im hoping I brought enough coin home from
paying hills along the way
bills...but Hill is a good metaphor
pay for the look up there

work today I believe aat work
Bosses gave me lift home
happy couple
laughing all the way
they seem to be getting along well
too...

and my tour downtown with the other
homies went well too
smiled and chummed...bumped knuckles
that sort of thing..

My old vintage jacket I put candle wax
via blow dryer;;;re painted all the crests
anew;;;;;looks very cool!!
that might have helped!!

it was an interesting day out Judy!!
I enjoyed it!
Thank You..

judyanne

10 years 5 months ago

yes

I saw and enjoyed the humour, but the general feeling was to me of melancholy, and I loved the mix
love judy
xxx

Sparrow

10 years 5 months ago

Steve

Sorry for not reading more of your works of late, but I know what I am missing, a piece like this that floods the mind with ones own memories and little tins, minus the loved condom though lol.
I am a collector and find it hard to throw anything out.
I was away from home in the RAF at 15 years old and then along life's road for many years after that, in my childhood home I had a drawer in the sideboard where as with your box, I kept many little things from when I was a child.
It was only when my Mother passed in 2000 that the bits from the drawer were returned to me, when I left home in 1957 I gave all my books to my Niece, I received some of them back last year the dates inside the cover of the books was 1947, I was only 5 at that time and those books were a treasure to me.
I have here now, tickets from 1978 in Canada it was my birthday and I had a car crash and had to continue the journey by Greyhound bus, all are treasures to me. Still looking for that condom though maybe I couldn't find a use for it then, lol.
Great write there and you take care in these Winter days,
Yours as always Ian