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Jul 08, 2019
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TIN TIN DEO ....I UNDERSTAND YOU
TIN TIN DEO....I UNDERSTAND YOU
her tongue rattles a smoky gauze
wet lipped licks a velvet pussy
holding her slavering heart
tin tin deo
while she finger painted her inside
thighs honey glazed red
hot as a fever
her mouth pours out of itself
a flagellating tongue fluent
cum blizzard
tin tin deo
dumb founded happy cross-eyed
her head like a carved moon
swaying asylums of shrieking beds
curved slick as a honeymoon dick
tin tin deo
a storm of purple
gayle of violets
from her warm kiln belly
zodiac ancient prostitute
ravishing flame
ruler of ever dreams
tin tin deo
About This Poem
Last Few Words: SEX
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Geezer
6 years ago
As per usual...
a riot of thought! only thing that I would change is the second [storm]. I think that you could use any number of words to describe the image. [gale, shower, deluge, etc... ~ Geezer.
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zebra
6 years ago
I used the word storm twice
I used the word storm twice it reinforce cadence, but I think your crit nailed it
Much appreciated eagle ears & eyes ;) Thanks Geez