Sabiha Khan

Mar 13, 2022 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

This poem is part of the challenge:

Neopoet Random Challenge # 13

(Read More...)

Tinnitus

It’s so loud
But there’s no sound
It’s all in my head
Never to be found
Like a scream
Endlessly in pain
Always lurking around
At the edges of my brain
I can never quite tell
Where it’s from
Or the message it carries
But I wish it gone
For a moment in silence
When the world is quiet
For the peace never found
In an eternal riot
I ca hear it still
Just static white noise
Its like drowning in sound
And I can feel the level rise

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Surrey

Comments

Geezer

3 years 3 months ago

Your poem is good...

and gives most people and idea of what it would be like to suffer from Tinnitus!
Your title is okay, but just...

I have had Tinnitus for the last forty years!
I only think about it, when someone else mentions it
or I have to turn my T.V. up so that I can hear what they are saying.
It does become just background noise after a while.
Depending on my blood pressure and other stimuli, for me, it can be
birds chirriping or just a steady high-pitched sound or a warbling
rising and falling kind of thing. Most times it doesn't bother me anymore
but like you, sometimes, I wish for some peace and quiet.

I like that you used plain language. All in all, a good solid poem, with an
[n] missing from the fourth line from the end of your work. [can]. ~ Geezer.
.

Sabiha Khan

3 years 3 months ago

thanks for the feedback

Thankyou vey much for the feedback, really appreciate it. I have only noticed my tinnitus recently (its getting worse) and I'm still adjusting, hopefully it'll get better over time.

Candlewitch

3 years 3 months ago

hello, nice to meet you!

I really agree with you, especially with these two lines:

"Just static white noise
Its like drowning in sound"

it is the worst at bed time, when trying to go to sleep. time has reduced it's noise. the only time I think about it is at bed time and when some one else mentions it. your descriptions are dead on! a great piece, to be sure.

*hugs, Cat

Sabiha Khan

3 years 3 months ago

Thanksss

Thankyou very much for the comment and yeah it really is worst in bed. Hopefully it'll get better for me over time as well :).

Obadiah Grey

3 years 3 months ago

I like your piece,

I like your piece,
(it does what it says on the box)
It maybe could benefit with a pruning of superfluous words?
and perhaps omit the odd forced rhyme?
Wha' do ya think?

obi...... (did enjoy it)

Sabiha Khan

3 years 3 months ago

thanks for the feedback

Thankyou so much for the feedback...really appreciate it. I will try to improve on it.

Candlewitch

3 years 3 months ago

new in town...

if you need help with navigating the poetry site, just ask. under the resources tab you will find "Contact Neopoet" have a great time. feel free to comment on other poet's work, too.

*hugs, Cat

Sabiha Khan

3 years 3 months ago

Thanks again

Aw thankyou. Really appreciate it. Would definitely ask if I need anything.