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title-less (language)
To raze that I built.
Scraped up lives in my fingernails.
So many germs that live there.
Lived there....purposelessly.
Obvious, intently, Intrinsic
with calculated boredom that fucks empathy.
Monotonously.
Over and over.
Dried up empathy, bone in
shredding the walls
I once stood by in my youth.
She smelled of dry blood.
Tasted of dead fertility.
She was all to me.
And now I find I bathe in anti-remorse
to feel clean again.
Lick me clean...
so clean, I squeak.
Come, Lukashenko,
Let us kiss.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I wish I could be stripped of this hostility. Any suggestions are welcome. Can it be tempered, balanced somehow that it's ugliness is lost?
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Geezer
2 years 7 months ago
Yes...
Develop another personality and indulge in tasteful violence! My "Killer" is a serial-killer that kills only bad people; such as rapists and pedophiles. He is also a gourmet-chef, who of course is a cannibal. He has a alter-ego, by the name of Sir Gee, he is the goody-two-shoes of them. He is the one who struggles with what his brother does. They have a dog named Anubis, that was rescued from the streets. I think that you will find that after a while, you will have to look for reasons to lash out, just to keep him alive. Try it, you may like it. ~ Geezer.
P.S. You are welcome to p.m. me and pick my brain anytime.
.
Candlewitch
2 years 7 months ago
hello,
I kind of agree with Geezer and his "others". I have seven other distinctive personalities who were born of me. one is male. the rest are female. you can p.m. me if I/we can assist you.
*hugs, Cat
Triskelion
2 years 6 months ago
Thanks
..for your responses. Unfortunately, my wiring doesn't perform fantasy well. It seems my need to understand the grotesque is the same as my need to express beauty.
Thomas