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Jun 12, 2025
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Today is Good for Breathing...
As I kneel before you
for my morning beating...
The dawn comes not too soon
from a night of restless sleeping.
Thanks for your attention, love
I know that it's such a chore.
Here's your morning coffee, sweet.
will there be anything more?
Now, pound my back again,
make for a bloody flow.
Ahhh... that feels so good, yeessss...
Don't Stop! I'll let you know.
Tending to my wounded breath,
blood pressure on the rise...
I leave the royal presence
don my poeting disguise.
The air seems so much sweeter,
breathe deep as I am allowed.
I see outside my window
birds against the fleecy clouds.
Today is good for breathing...
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
neopoet
2 weeks 4 days ago
Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem employs a blend of dark humor and exaggerated domesticity to explore themes of subjugation, ritual, and release. The opening stanza sets a tone of mock-martyrdom, with the speaker presenting themselves as a willing participant in a daily ordeal. The phrase "morning beating" is jarring, immediately establishing a satirical or hyperbolic register. The subsequent stanzas reinforce this dynamic, with the speaker performing acts of service ("Here's your morning coffee, sweet") while simultaneously inviting further punishment.
The poem’s tone oscillates between irony and genuine pathos. The exaggerated language in "pound my back again, / make for a bloody flow" and the melodramatic "Ahhh... that feels so good, yeessss..." suggests a performative masochism, possibly critiquing or lampooning certain power dynamics in relationships. The transition in the fourth stanza—"I leave the royal presence / don my poeting disguise"—introduces a motif of escape and transformation, as the speaker moves from subservience to creative autonomy.
The imagery in the final stanzas shifts from the claustrophobic interior to the expansive exterior, with "birds against the fleecy clouds" and "Today is good for breathing..." providing a sense of relief and renewal. This contrast underscores the poem’s central tension between confinement and liberation.
Formally, the poem uses regular quatrains and end-rhyme, though the rhyme scheme is not strictly maintained throughout. This looseness may reflect the speaker’s attempt to assert control or find freedom within constraints. The diction is colloquial and direct, which enhances the satirical edge but occasionally flattens the emotional impact.
Consider clarifying the intended tone, as the interplay between humor and genuine suffering risks ambiguity. If the poem is meant as satire, amplifying the absurdity or exaggeration could help guide the reader’s response. If the aim is a more serious commentary on power dynamics, deepening the emotional resonance in the speaker’s voice might be beneficial. The concluding image of breathing and open air is effective, but its connection to the preceding domestic drama could be strengthened for greater cohesion.
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