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Apr 12, 2012
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Into Tomorrow
Carry me brother hawk
away from all I know
so I may move and breathe
and take my daily rest
my bodies worn, my mind is tired
my spirit runs on thought
it seems my dreams are out of reach
Talk to me sister owl
tell me it's alright
to sit still and find myself
to let myself be lost
knowing that you're here with me
my longing heart still echoes
Guide me mother moon
into a peaceful slumber
so I may wake to something new
a graceful beginning
a path of faith
a journey to remember
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Candlewitch
13 years 3 months ago
Dear Tommi,
This is a very enjoyable poem of inner peace. I love the soothing qualities of it. My favorite lines (which were very hard to choose!) are:
Guide me mother moon
into a peaceful slumber
so I may wake to something new
a graceful beginning
a path of faith
a journey to remember
(probably because I am a great fan of my Lady Moon)
I have no suggestions, only appreciation for the work.
Brightest Blessings, Cat
Tommi Cordial
13 years 3 months ago
I enjoy
I enjoy the prose in your critique and your suggestions as well. I did consider another bird in fact the nightingale, but it just seemed so much more like a job for mother moon, a regal to malevolent gesture. hmmm...I must admit you have me thinking.
Nordic cloud
13 years 3 months ago
"my bodies worn, my mind is
"my bodies worn, my mind is tired" my body's
You are wiser than Winnie the Pooh, but this has something Pooh-like about it, being carried by the hawk, speaking to Owl and, well he wouldn't be guided by a mother, but Christopher Robin. I like the three verses using a different being, although when one comes to mother, I felt it could have been another bird, or animal to stay in context. But like Cat, I loved the same:
"Guide me mother moon
into a peaceful slumber"....lovely.
A wistful awe i n the air about your poetry Tommi.
Ann.