scribbler

Nov 16, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

TOO LATE

Phone call, entirely unexpected
by tone of voice it's not a joke
toward hospital I am directed
mother's had another stroke

Throw on my shoes and rouse my wife
jump in the car, away we speed
will this be the one to end her life ?
an answer now is what I need

It's late, no lack of parking space
so we park right at the front
up the steps to door we race
to find it's not the door we want

Redirected to the back
entrance marked " emergency "
time and patience running slack
unwelcome sense of urgency

Brother and his wife beat us there
the news isn't good
we don't say much just sit and stare
and wait for doctor like we should

At last he comes " Go see her now "
" There's nothing we can do ."
despair and worry crease my brow
realizing that her time is through

I go quietly into the room
ventilator's gasp, monitor's beep
she's already gone to join her groom
I close my eyes, try not to weep

I say farewell but I'm too late
mom's shell is here but she is gone
on the journey that is all our fate
she's gone yet life must still go on

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost, Burns, Longfellow, Poe, and Johnson. I guess you've noticed these are all past masters. Other than folks on site I don't read any contemporary poets .

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Race_9togo

14 years 8 months ago

I like the rhyme,

I like the rhythm.
I like the title.
You have captured this situation with precision, with grief, and with the eye of experience.

I do feel that the fifth stanza could do with a re-write, particularly the first two lines of it.
Apart from this, a very tight and well-written piece.

scribbler

14 years 8 months ago

late

Writing the truth is easier than making things up. As always I will revisit and edit before too long, thanks for the suggestion..........scribbler

magics02

14 years 8 months ago

Stan this piece here brang me near to tears. I am sorry for your loss and know Mother knows you tried to get there as fast as you could. This is a very touching poem of yours and my heart goes out to you and Susan.

Blessings to you friend
Mona

scribbler

14 years 8 months ago

late

thank you Mona but this is now far enough in past to have lost its sting. Thanks for coming by.......stan

scribbler

14 years 8 months ago

late

Thank you for coming by and reading Shirley........stan

themoonman

14 years 8 months ago

Stan ...

Those calls are dreaded by us all.

The rhyming is tight, and you delivered to
the reader your nervousness for the situation
from the first verse ...

thanks for sharing

scribbler

14 years 8 months ago

late

Although most outlive their parents, it's still a shock when they leave........stan

mand

14 years 8 months ago

Hi Scribbler

Rhyme and rhythm - spot on.

My parents are still alive - now in there 80s and my father-in-law is living with us and he is 86.

I'm dreading the day they die! Having said that my father-in-law wakes up every day in pain and has spent the last 7ish years sitting in a soft comfy chair - due to athritis ( in his ribs, back, hands, feet + he also has crumbling bones in his back + other uncomfortable problems ) His one kidney is in faliure, his heart is weak, he has diabeties, gout, dementia, thyroid problems.

A stroke can be a living death.

There are some things that are worse than death! Amazingly he still manages a cheeky smile.

Thank you for sharing Stan. My panick is get to come.

Love Mand xxxxxxx

scribbler

14 years 8 months ago

late

the great fear in my life is alzheimers. To completely lose one's identy must be terrible. Thanks for dropping by .....stan