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Dec 19, 2024
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The Tortured Soul
I sat there
Transfixed
By the beauty of the poems
The exposition of personal issues
And the amazing words.
I became one of those tortured souls
Willing to say what was in my heart
And on my mind
And I did so willingly.
The rawness of the emotions
And the words
Moved me.
The willingness
To give people a space
To say what they wanted to say
To respect them
Was overwhelming.
It was with pride
That I joined these tortured souls.
So grateful that I had joined them
At this time
And in this way.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I went to my first poem open mic on Wednesday night in Fitzroy, Melbourne. I loved the intimacy of the Creatures of Habit, and the generosity with which I was welcomed there. I wrote these words to thank them for this. What struck me was the fact that we were so different in very many ways, but we all shared an experience that we wanted to share. When you write poems trying to drag things out of you, it can be very self-centred on many occasions, very introspective. As an ex-teacher, I like to share thoughts, because it is beneficial for you and you learn more.
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
6 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "The Tortured Soul" presents a narrative of personal transformation and emotional vulnerability. It employs a direct, confessional style, which can be effective in conveying raw emotion and personal experiences. However, this style could benefit from more specific imagery and metaphor to create a more vivid and engaging experience for the reader.
The poem could be enhanced by providing more concrete details about the "tortured souls" and the speaker's journey towards becoming one of them. For instance, what specific experiences or feelings led the speaker to identify as a "tortured soul"? What does being a "tortured soul" mean to the speaker? Answering these questions within the poem could add depth and specificity to the speaker's transformation.
The poem's structure is straightforward, with short lines and stanzas. This structure mirrors the directness of the speaker's voice. However, the poem could experiment with varied line lengths, stanza breaks, and punctuation to create a more dynamic rhythm and pace.
The language of the poem is plain and accessible, which can help readers connect with the speaker's experiences. However, the poem could benefit from more varied and evocative word choices. For example, instead of saying "The rawness of the emotions / And the words / Moved me," the poem could describe how exactly these emotions and words affected the speaker.
Overall, "The Tortured Soul" offers a compelling exploration of personal transformation and emotional vulnerability. By incorporating more specific imagery and metaphor, providing more concrete details, experimenting with structure, and using more varied and evocative language, the poem could create a more vivid and engaging experience for the reader.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Rula
6 months 3 weeks ago
Hello
Nice to meet you. A warm welcome to Neopoet.
Your piece is absolutely relatable. Humanity gather all those souls even those you never met personally. I applaud your way of appreciation. You said it all and said it well!
Thank you for sharing.
I have absolutely enjoyed reading.
Geezer
6 months 3 weeks ago
I too...
am pleased at finding, a "space" to which I can speak my mind. My experience here at Neo. has afforded me the opportunity to express myself fully and I get to read some great poetry. The applause comes slowly but I find that it is very rewarding.
You could hardly do better than to post on Neopoet, being an international community has its advantages; you will get the views of a varied and multitalented audience. Keep doing the open mike nights, they are a great way to build confidence.
~ Geezer.
.
The Gogetter
6 months 2 weeks ago
I am backtracking here but I want to respond
I am so enjoying your comments about my poetry and adapting some of the strategies that you have so kindly suggested to improve my writing. Gratitude Geezer!
The Gogetter
6 months 3 weeks ago
Thanking the poetry community for the ongoing support
Having found my voice in poetry, it is nice to have the support of other people who write it. It has come as a surprise to me that I had this skill and I am working assiduously to improve it. I enjoy being part of "Neopoet" exactly because there are so many people out there who have used this skill to work through all sort of personal issues. The two organizers on the night mentioned to me that most of the participants are trying to solve problems in their lives of some sort or other. That is why I will return to read out more of my poems, which are beginning to emerge from me. I have always related to words, but only for writing ebulletin articles for my Rotary Club, never for expression of emotions. Sometimes and mostly, you have to use words to work out what ails you. In my case, it was grief that drew them out. Now, I use any excuse to say what I am feeling at a particular moment in time. So, thanking the Neopoet Community for being there. It is very comforting to know that other people out there are reading my creations.