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Jul 29, 2018
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Touch
touch like stars caressing water, brimming eyes, whelming the heart
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction: How does this theme appeal to you?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
lovedly
6 years 11 months ago
o poet one
overwhelmed with the single line poem
Rula
6 years 11 months ago
dear raj
there is a wonderful picture you're trying to paint in the first two lines.I think the poem might benefit from extending it a bit more to clear the whole image. Just my opinion. You know better what you want to say.
raj
6 years 11 months ago
Thanks Rula
for reading and commenting. Actually I am trying to write a poem in one or two lines which is my next challenge...it may take a while to reach that goal...
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Rula
6 years 11 months ago
The shortest ever :)
do you think adding 'a' before 'touch' making it clearer or maybe I'm just missing sth there.
raj
6 years 11 months ago
Rula
i think i will leave it as is...the message i am trying to bring in is that ...the feeling of touch need not be physical ...even without it one can be touched...reflecting in the eyes and the heart....even tears of joy or sadness touch the one who causes them...hope it holds this in the one liner...
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lovedly
6 years 11 months ago
can I suggest raj..when a guy /woman is in ntense grief
(''A touch on the shoulders speaks volumes till eternity, he/she touched me..."")
just one line
raj
6 years 11 months ago
I avoid using "guy" in a poem
I avoid using "guy" in a poem as far as possible...thanks for the read Lovedly..
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lovedly
6 years 11 months ago
in the west ''guy''(s) is a common refrain
for any sex
yes but I did not use t in the one line poem
Thanks for your reading and reply with kindness
need not say
tolerance
thanks raj
tyro
6 years 11 months ago
Hi raj
one power packed line; this is far stronger than the original.
raj
6 years 11 months ago
Tyro
your words are inspirational and will encourage me to come up with more...thanks a lot...
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