TOWARD WAL-MART (substance and critique shop)<free verse>

Good transformation of the subject, great imagery, good resolution.

I'll take a look at structure later, but this is a great representation.

Punctuation.

It's my belief you can either use punctuation, or not, but when you do both, you just confuse people.

Taking a look at your piece's 1st stanza:

"Parked in a sea of hot asphalt[,]
(and it's not yet mid May)
I exit into air as thick as soup[,]
sweat springing out where I once had hair[,]
and I begin my plod;
....to Wal-mart.

I am not saying each sentence needs a comma, but you have a flow you want to establish and punctuation gives that to the poem, releasing the reading from having to start and stop their read to make the sentences feel natural.

great poem...I felt like I was
walking along..with you!
Loved the bird part in it..
observations
and notations of what is
just is..

Excellent!

with the way your imagery and structure already felt like a kettle on the boil,
almost makes the slotted kettle reference irrelevant.

I read Jess's comment and see it....
I read the poets comment and go
up for a re read and see it...

I read it and wondered..whats with the
Kettle imagery....
And thinking August....You know you
have your kettle on in august too.
the two seasons when there is mist
humidity..heat..

I pondered it for two seconds and passed
it over..

Why I Love comments.
Thank You!

They are separations of the sentence and do the same job in a slightly different way.
"And" cuts the sentence in half while a comma (even multiple times in a sentence) separate it into pieces.

Slightly useful grammar lesson.
Considering yours and my predilection for western classic, this is good verso libre. Thank the many gods I live here and not in S. C. How do you folk stand it with all the cold, the rain and then the heat and the bugs?
Earthquakes are overhyped in comparison.

Wow..I remember this from years ago....late seventies.....I know punctuation..
I just Hate using it.....Comma is the same as And..space..Rest like In Music rest..
and Poetry is Music class......forget the teacher...remember the works..

South Carolina..My mother loved golfing there...We grew up Mid north Ontario
huge mosquitoes..bugs...rain...heat...storms...we survived...
I actually watch the earthquake stations that America offers and canada.......
all this is online...it s interesting

prompt word Stan and very enjoyable read.

a line from Never Cry Wolf! The old pilot leaning out of the bush plane
banging on the frozen slushy fuel line from the wingtank above with a wrench
the biologist handling the controls..the mountian range face arriving fast..

Other three here are like this....
And when I myself go to Wallmart It is an adventure!!
Im sure they have that as an added thing..
The whole welcome ideology so people come in dressed or
not dressed in the clothes of choice...
The bank of doors open like that...a little courtyard
like the gateway...Even the structure looks this way
The Big Blue entrance..like a castle of goods!!

They have a candy floss machine sometimes
and the bar bee Q set up outside..the girls
are always hollering at the push cart boys they
are out of Sausages!!

Like that this poem has brought so much
memory and attention and feedback

Thank You

Nothing to add
Great write, great imagery... and a subtle sub-text (lol, subtext - something you usually are in our face with cos you're worried it'll be missed .... proved you wrong here, at least, young fella)

Love judy
xxx

Verso Libre requires an "attractive" and consistent rhythm or it lays flat.

But... it should read elegantly and not unrhythmical.

Maybe... maybe not. Even a sharp and sudden change in rhythm can be done

musically.