Race_9togo

Sep 13, 2013 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Transient

The parking lot was gone
when we arrived;
new winter's wind
had blown in
from icy inland sea
and spread gold sand
thick across the asphalt
covering humanity's best efforts
to chain the reach of nature
with new beach
that soon would pile
to high sand dunes
if not for spring
and scraping
plows' arrival
uncovering
the transience of man beneath

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1coBP6n7L9v

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Earth Vicinity (within a five light-year radius), ZZC

Favorite Poets: John Donne, T.S. Eliot, Serendipity, Emily Dickenson, Kailashana, Charles Bukowski, Kabir, Rett, Dalton, W. B. Yeats, William Blake, Rainer Maria Rilke, and many other Neopoet poets; Neopoet has heavily influenced my poetry and my ability to write it well.

Comments

Rula

11 years 10 months ago

Hi jim

I thought this really powerful writing.
I most like
"covering humanity's best efforts
to chain the reach of nature
with new beach
that soon would pile
to high sand dunes"

"to high sand dunes" too high? maybe?

Race_9togo

11 years 9 months ago

Wow

I completely missed your comment Rula, I apologize.
Thank you, for reading and enjoying my poem. I enjoy your enjoyment!

Ian.T

11 years 8 months ago

Jim

An excellent write and drives home,
that we are only visitors to this beautiful Planet,
Yours Ian.T

Race_9togo

11 years 8 months ago

Hi Ian,

Sorry for the late reply, yes, I agree, we are visitors, and should leave things better then they are.

Esker

11 years 8 months ago

patience of natures work...

man knows he is but a mirage
dunes walk

Excellent Poem
love the word usage
and a clear observation
done in a sharp
beautiful manner

No dunes nor parking lots
were harmed in the making!!

Thank You!

Race_9togo

11 years 8 months ago

Hi Steve,

Thanks for your enjoyment! Sorry for the late reply.
Dunes walk.
Says it all.

Race_9togo

11 years 7 months ago

"icy inland sea"

is Lake Michigan, Baeu, inland, but large enough to be called a sea, and it almost acts like one, too.
Glad that 6you enjoyed by poem, and the speaking of it! A little trepedation on my part, as I've never recited anything of mine outside of my immediate family.

eightmenout

11 years 7 months ago

Jim

I liked your voice, too. Calm and clear. albeit not what I expected given your profile pic. Was expecting more of a deep gravely, demon ridden voice.

Thanks for posting,

Scott

Race_9togo

11 years 7 months ago

LOL

Nope, I'm not some poor possesed person, just a 21st century pagan having some fun.
I have to say I didn't enjoy reciting this very much, its just too much damned work!
Glad you enjoyed it, though.

Lonnie

11 years 7 months ago

Hey, Jim!

This was a fantastic read! Impressive not only for its word usage, but for its distinct imagery and overall intent! My congrats on this one, and hats off to boot!