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Dec 01, 2020
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Transition
a cloudless sky holds us in abeyance
the chill air's flow barely perceptible
like changing contours of a body
or accumulation of character on a face
the sun has turned its back on us
a seasonal sleight of hand as solace
wisps of fog levitate seductively
over a woodland creek's winter warmth
the grass looks conflicted, as green molts
to brown, begs for a stay of execution
refuses to relinquish dominance
a year evaporates in clarity of change
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
Irenicus
4 years 7 months ago
wonderful poem
The content of the poem, set up a perfect winter mood. All the stanzas have something new to offer. I liked the comparison of of the chill air to the body, very original. Then finally the closing stanza sums up the title of the poem and does justice to it.
overall Job well done.
Geezer
4 years 7 months ago
Such a...
great transition from Autumn to Winter! I have seen many of those chill days when I still hunted and was out in the early morning. I would use [begging] rather than [begs], It makes for a smoother sentence. If you were to use what I call the declarative form; [which is just statements] begs would fit better. Welcome to Neo. I hope that you find yourself at ease here and we shall see many more works from you. ~ Geezer.
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lovedly
4 years 7 months ago
well all experts have praised you
you have returned after a very long time now do help others with your seasoned views thanks to you