alidzain

Jun 18, 2017 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Trauma

Panicking,
struggling,
choking,
drowning.

Yielding to fear,
engulfed by water,
lungs screaming for air.
Where is my savior?

One cruel prank,
haunting me for a lifetime.
Thirty years have passed,
still I'm restless in the night.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: singapore, SGP

Favorite Poets: Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, Sarojini Naidu and friends in Neopoet.

Comments

wesley snow

8 years ago

Whoa.

This is for real?

alidzain

8 years ago

yes it is

Wesley.

Until now I don't dare to go swimming.

Alid

Rula

8 years ago

Rehersing

some verses from the Holy Qura'an direct before sleeping ( especially Al Muawathat)must help you overcome this nightmare.

alidzain

8 years ago

Thanks, Rula

I hope it will help me overcome not only this but another trauma. I was ashamed of it but I need to let it out, to face it, else the dark feelings will consume me. It will be in another poem.

Alid

Rula

8 years ago

I have almost

Forgot to say that I loved the piece. Well composed.

alidzain

8 years ago

Shukran

Rula.

Alid

jane210660

8 years ago

Alidzain

Your poem expresses the horrors that still haunt you in a very vivid and direct way.
I like the way you have used each word separately to emphasise them.
I like the elemental feel, air, water and the earthly, human fear.
I know the fear is a real factor in your life, but you have expressed it rather hauntingly.
Poetry has a cathartic quality, whether it is the reading of it or the writing.
Jx

alidzain

8 years ago

Jane

thanks for the read and comment. I wished I can get over it to stop these nightmares.I wished I can enjoy like other people but after my heart problem worsens, my dad passed away and one of my good friends drowned, I lose my courage.

I've tried several times but failed to last more than 5 minutes in the pool. Being there just triggers the memories and I'll panic.

Alid

Geezer

8 years ago

I almost drowned...

one time. It wasn't the result of a prank, just an overestimation of my own skill.
Not a good time by any means! I I'm glad that you didn't drown and I hope that you are learning to swim now, it will relieve those nightmares. Get someone who knows about such fears to teach you how to swim. It may be a long process, but you will be the better for it. Nice work! I have no crits.

alidzain

8 years ago

Gee,

I felt like I've done what I could and I just can't. I had an instructor once but I think he don't understand the extend of my fear when he kept pushing me deliberately into the pool and frightened me so much that I didn't stick around in his lesson. God,I really hated him! lol.

Alid

Geezer

8 years ago

That is no way...

to help someone who has almost drowned! I would have you ease your way into a small waist-deep pool and let you get your face close to the water at your own speed. Little by little is the way to do it, not push you into a pool and then teach you how to swim. I'm sure that sooner or later, you will find the right teacher. Maybe a spouse or someone close to you that knows how you feel. I learned from my cousin who knew that I was terrified of going under. He helped me get over my fears and I learned to swim. [I later over-estimated my abilities and almost drowned] , but I never stopped swimming. Again, I appreciated the write. Good job.
.

alidzain

8 years ago

Gee

I'm glad you liked this but I'm not sure if you would like the next one. I'm going to post one or two more poems here about my past and expect them to be written in a darker shade. I need to let it out because they are affecting me too much that they made me feel angry, unable to trust people on the intimate level and many other emotions that made me miserable. I need to let go.

Alid

scribbler

8 years ago

Ditto

To Jane's comment especially the isolation of single words to add to their power. I expect only time will heal the memory of that trauma..........stan

alidzain

8 years ago

Thanks, Stan

for the visit, the read and the comment.I hope you are right because it sucks being angry.

Alid

wesley snow

8 years ago

Remember,

anger is a genetic disease and unnecessary. Although, fear is healthy. Be careful, but face it. I nearly lost it once in a riptide and its ramifications are that I'm a bit afraid of swimming in the ocean. I'll likely never have the chance to face that one again as I live inland and never see the ocean. You have the chance to face this one. Take it. Take it carefully, but take it.
I look forward to more poems about your life. It seems my Ottava Rima about mine has started something. I am pleased by it.
Our lives make for powerful subject matter.
Demonstrate yours please. No matter the darkness.

alidzain

8 years ago

Wes,

I'll try not to disappoint but my Hari Raya is around the corner so I'll be busy for awhile.

Alid