Tribulation

You traced your name upon my face

faded skin
redden eye
carrying the cavern’s stamp
mimicking the colliery’s faithful

the cairn
citadel of separation
light plays upon each stone
chasing dew
ignorant

as the sombre requiem
rents space between the robins call

envied soil
dark and sweet
now our tangled sheets

time
the once wondrous gift
now a cloistered cell

I trace your name upon my face

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

Country/Region: north ontario

Favorite Poets: esker, klo

12 years 2 months ago

depths....the plains of intellilect
and impact
of a touch
a word
a want

reading your works
and rolling through my madness
sortting what must be and what has
occured

the surreal moments
removed

Ross Hamilton Hill

12 years 2 months ago

mimicking the colliery’s faithful -this line is a tongue twister

chasing dew-chasing is a bit cute,

ignorant-doesn't tell us anything..ignorant light? means what?

rents space between the robins call-like this line

time
the once wondrous gift-bit cliched

I trace your name upon my face-good ending, I would make this the beginning as well simply for the sonics.
as usual a poem worth reading,

12 years 2 months ago

bit lazy with some words
chasing wonderous gift
need to get the ratchet out!