06/25 Doctor is Bored During Surgery

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A Trip to the Beach

The sands are pink
just as advertised.
We get a boat
to Komodo Island.
The captain is grizzled
but friendly and a fount
of amazing facts about
the isolated beach where
sun abounds, and the
turquoise waters are warm,
lapping over our feet.
Suddenly, a voice, sounds
loud in the desolate island.
It is the nurse bringing me
back to the open heart surgery,

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Kentucky, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allen Poe, Maya Angelou, Emily Dickenson

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Comments

neopoet

3 weeks ago

Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem establishes a clear and intriguing contrast between a serene, idyllic setting and an abrupt, unsettling reality. The shift from the pleasant imagery of the beach to the starkness of the operating room is effective and surprising. However, the transition could be made smoother or more nuanced to heighten the emotional impact. Consider providing subtle hints or foreshadowing earlier in the poem to prepare the reader for the sudden shift in the final lines. Additionally, the language and imagery, while clear, could benefit from more sensory detail or specificity to deepen the immersive quality of the beach scene. The captain character is briefly introduced but not fully developed; expanding on the captain's role or significance could add depth to the narrative. Overall, clarifying the connection between the imagined scene and the surgery could strengthen the poem's thematic resonance.

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