Turbulence

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem effectively uses the extended metaphor of an airplane journey to explore emotional states such as bravery, fear, and hope. The personification of abstract concepts as characters (Captain Bravery, Fear, Hope) is clear and consistent, making the emotional landscape tangible and relatable. However, there are areas where the metaphor could be sharpened or clarified for greater impact.

First, the repetition of "ticket" in lines 5 and 7 ("lets you in / With no ticket," and "every passenger / Has a first-class ticket") creates some confusion. Clarifying or varying this phrasing would help strengthen the imagery and avoid redundancy.

Second, the imagery of "Hope falls out / Of the luggage" is intriguing but could benefit from additional context or elaboration. Consider providing a clearer sense of why Hope is packed away or what it means for Hope to fall out. This would deepen the emotional resonance of the metaphor.

Third, the detail about the captain feeling queasy from "eating too much candy" introduces a sudden shift in tone. While it adds a playful dimension, it slightly undermines the seriousness of the emotional metaphor. Consider whether this playful tone aligns well with the overall emotional intent of the poem, or if it might benefit from a more consistent emotional register.

Lastly, the conclusion ("Just needed / To shake things up") feels somewhat abrupt and overly casual compared to the rest of the poem. Expanding or refining this ending might help the poem achieve a more satisfying resolution that matches the emotional complexity established earlier.

Overall, the poem demonstrates thoughtful use of metaphor and personification, but refining the imagery, tone consistency, and conclusion could enhance its emotional clarity and impact.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

This one goes over my head even after reading the AI feedback. It must be me. I 'll come back after hearing from you.

Hello, Paul,
This reminds me of the anxiety I've felt through certain issues and events in my life. I like the use of the metaphor. (And also feel the literal anxiety in flying) So many challenges, real or imaginary, and the overcoming of fear.
Thank you!
L